v Believe what your child says and listen calmly. Showing your distress may frighten them from telling you.
v Reassure your child it is not their fault and they are not in trouble.
v Tell them how proud you are they told you.
v Reassure them that you love them.
v Let them know that they are safe now and you will deal with it all and the abuse wonât happen again.
v Donât push for details of the abuse if your child isnât ready to tell you. Give them time.
v If the abuser is a close family member, family life will be seriously disrupted. Try to keep normal routines going if possible. Routines help children feel more secure.
v Even though you may feel very anxious about your childâs safety, try to maintain their usual activities.
v Think carefully about who to tell about your childâs abuse and when, and talk to your child about this. Other people knowing can make the situation more distressing. Explain the difference between privacy and secrecy to avoid your child feeling ashamed.
v IMPORTANT. Get help and support for yourself. You may feel betrayed, angry, or failing as a parent. You need support from friends and family and often need professional counselling advice to keep going. Remember, child sexual abuse is rarely a parentâs fault. Abusers are clever manipulators of parents as well as children…
The facts⌠Sadly, sexual abuse of children is common. v v v Children are mostly abused by someone they know â even relatives and family friends Child sexual abuse happens in all cultures and all kinds of families. Girls and boys of all ages are at risk. WHAT IS CHILD SExuAL ABuSE? â Child sexual abuse is when an adult or someone older or bigger uses a child for his or her own sexual pleasure. Abusers take advantage of a childâs trust or use their power and authority over the child. Child sexual abuse includes many different activities such as: v Sexual touching of the child or adult v Oral sex, vaginal or anal intercourse v Indecent exposure v Exposing children to sexual acts or pictures v Enticing children into internet âchat roomsâ HOW DO ABuSERS WORK? â Most abusers go to great lengths to win childrenâs trust. They often target vulnerable children. A normal friendly relationship develops into a sexual one, with the abuser either persuading or coercing the child to cooperate. Then they often use threats that something terrible will happen in order to stop the child telling.
How can I keep my child safe? Know about your childrenâs daily world:- v Where they are v Where they play v Who they play with v What activities they get involved with v How they use the Internet â web sites, chat rooms, emailing, video, CD and DVD use v Who you trust to look after them when youâre not there TALK AND LISTEN TO YOuR CHILDREN â Itâs important to teach your children they can refuse to do anything with an adult or child that they feel is wrong or frightens them. However, you cannot expect children to say âNoâ. Encourage them to tell you whenever they are worried about what other adults or children want them to do. ALWAYS LISTEN carefully to your childâs fears and concerns. Stop what you are doing and really pay attention. TEACHING YOuR CHILD SExuAL SAFETY â Teach your children how to stay safe from sexual abuse just as you talk to them about road, fire, water, and internet safety. TOuCHING â Even little children know the difference between touching that is OK or not OK. Explain that no-one has the right to touch them in places and ways that make them feel scared or uncomfortable. FEELINGS â Encourage children to trust their feelings. Talk about feeling safe and unsafe and work together on plans of what to do if they feel unsafe. This should include ways to leave awkward situations, like saying they have to go home now, or need to ask a parent or other adult for permission first. GROWN-uPS â We teach children to respect adults, so itâs hard for them to say âNoâ without feeling rude. Explain that sometimes adults do things that are not OK and they should tell you if this happens. Donât expect them to kiss or cuddle other adults, especially ones they donât know. Make a practice of discussing what your children do when they are with other adults and whether they like these people, just as you ask about their friends. This will alert you early to possible concerns. KNOWING AND TALKING ABOuT BODIES â Encourage childrenâs natural interest in their bodies. Teach them the correct names of all their body parts. Talking about sexuality can embarrass some parents. Your local child librarian can help find appropriate age level books to discuss with your child. If you can talk comfortably about these matters, it will be easier for your children to tell you their concerns. SECRETS! â Many abusers make children keep their abuse a secret- often using threats. Children need to learn the difference between safe and unsafe secrets. Teach them the only OK secrets are those which give someone a nice surprise. WHO CAN THEY TRUST? â Work out with your child which key people they can trust to ask for help if they are frightened and you arenât there. Does your childâs school have a protective behaviours program?
When the hidden-denied reasons behind your childhood of multifaceted #childsexualabuse becomes known more clearly, whatâs holding you back from responding alike âthe reason Iâve grown so f-ed up, is due to your f-ing parent-church-school-club you took me throughâ?! #nrsđŁ
Posted Thu 18 Feb 2021 at 5:52amThursday 18 Feb 2021 at 5:52am, updated Thu 18 Feb 2021 at 5:53pm
Chris Stoker wants the former BGS headmaster stripped of his Order of Australia for services to education.(ABC News: Lexy Hamilton-Smith)
Chris Stoker is desperate to move on and find some closure decades after becoming a victim of the sick fantasies of serial paedophile Kevin Lynch.
Key points:
Abuse survivor Chris Stoker is campaigning for former BGS headmaster Max Howell to be stripped of his Order of Australia
From age 12, Mr Stoker endured years of sexual abuse by BGS school counsellor and serial child molester Kevin Lynch
Mr Howell died in 2011 denying any knowledge of any abuse
Every day since he was a 12-year-old boy, Mr Stoker, now 50, has relived the abuse he endured at the hands of the serial child molester, who was a school counsellor between 1973 and 1988 at Brisbane Grammar School (BGS), one of Queensland’s leading boys’ schools.
The abuse lasted for three-and-a-half years.
Mr Stoker’s older brother was also a Lynch victim â his abuse also started when he was 12 and lasted the same length of time.
Both men feel betrayed that the man whose job it was to protect them and scores of other young boys â then BGS principal Max Howell â refused to act when he was made aware of the predator’s behaviour as early as 1981.
The Stoker brothers and many others were raped by Lynch in a locked room with a red flashing light signalling no-one should enter.
Chris Stoker said he was also physically assaulted by Mr Howell during those years.
Mr Howell died in 2011, denying knowledge of any abuse.
Mr Stoker has spent several months campaigning to have the former BGS headmaster stripped of his Order of Australia (OAM) for services to education, that he was awarded on January 26, 1986.
In 1990, Mr Howell was awarded an honorary doctorate by Griffith University.
Last October, Mr Stoker wrote to the university urging that title be revoked and the institution yesterday agreed to act, two days after being contacted by the ABC.
But Mr Howell’s OAM still stands and is easy to find on the Department of the Prime Minister and Cabinet ‘It’s an Honour’ webpage.
“They are perpetuating his behaviour, continually recognising him for his failings for protecting children,” Mr Stoker said.
“It makes a statement that it is OK to have done those things, that it is OK to have ignored children’s pleas for help.
“Dr Howell completely failed the children who were at Brisbane Grammar School â I know at the time he accepted the award, I was being abused by Kevin Lynch.
“I relive that abuse every day of my life and I do not need more reminders of that abuse being sanctioned by our Government.”
Dr Howell died in 2011 denying any knowledge of abuse.(ABC News)
Mr Howell was the headmaster at the prestigious school from 1965 to 1989 and was responsible for employing Lynch, who reported directly to the then-principal.
Established in 1868, BGS is a non-denominational day and boarding school for boys in years five to 12 and is Brisbane’s oldest secondary school.
“We find that BQH told Dr Howell that Mr Lynch had sexually abused his son BQJ,” the report said.
“Dr Howell did not investigate the allegations and did not report the matter to the police or the board of trustees.
“In not doing so, he failed in his obligations to protect the safety and wellbeing of the students.
“We find that during Dr Howell’s period as headmaster there was a culture at Brisbane Grammar [School] where boys who made allegations of sexual abuse were not believed and allegations were not acted upon.”
The commission also heard allegations that at one time Mr Howell interrupted an episode of sexual abuse in the counsellor’s office and found the boy with his pants down, and called the boy a “sick individual”.
Kevin Lynch sexually abused Mr Stoker for more than three years.(ABC News)
The student, witness BQA, said he had been blamed for the depraved encounters, not Lynch, and he felt emotionally abandoned.
Lynch was able to play out his molestation protected by the school, which had no formal policies to investigate sex abuse allegations.
The paedophile went onto abuse more than 80 boys both at BGS as a counsellor at that school between 1973 and 1988 and then at St Paul’s School at Bald Hills, north of Brisbane, where he was a counsellor from 1989 to 1997.
In 1997, Lynch was charged with committing sexual crimes against dozens of children, but he killed himself during prosecution.
‘Abuse of dozens of children’
Last year, Mr Stoker wrote to the Australia Day Honours Committee, the Governor-General’s office and Prime Minister Scott Morrison asking the honour be removed for Dr Howell.
But in a letter from Assistant Minister to the Prime Minister and Cabinet, Ben Morton MP, Mr Stoker was told he had already been advised by the Australian Honours and Awards Secretariat that the Order of Australia was a society of living persons and membership ceased upon death.
“As Mr Howell died in 2011 and is no longer a living member of the Order of Australia, the Council is unable to commence proceedings to terminate or cancel the award,” the letter said.
While Mr Stoker stared at the honour on his computer screen, he told the ABC he felt angry and betrayed.
Chris Stoker says he feels angry and betrayed when the honour comes up on his computer screen on the 2020 webpage.(ABC News: Lexy Hamilton-Smith)
“I feel the Australian Government and the Governor-General’s office is perpetuating his [Mr Howell’s] part in the abuse of dozens of children,” Mr Stoker said.
“It is the removal of the recognition, and by doing so, it is acknowledging those people did the wrong thing â that they did not do what a normal, decent human being would do.
“I feel betrayed by someone who should have been protecting me.
“[Mr Howell] gets to keep his reputation, honour and his dignity, while the victims have to suffer feelings of shame and guilt every single day.”
Website entry – Maxwell Arthur Howell – 1986 Australia Day Honours List(Department of Prime Minister and Cabinet)
Mr Stoker said he first contacted Griffith University in October, requesting it revoke Mr Howell’s honorary doctorate awarded for services to education.
“At that time I was a student at the university, struggling with alcohol abuse, anxiety, panic attacks and depression caused by the abuse,” Mr Stoker said.
“I was going through an extremely dark period of my life â I was on the path to suicide, to be honest.”
Griffith University revokes doctorate
After being contacted by the ABC on Monday, Griffith issued a statement yesterday.
“Griffith University has revoked the Doctor of the University (DUniv) award conferred on Mr Max Howell AM in 1990,” the statement said.
“The decision follows the university being made aware of the findings of the Royal Commission into Institutional Child Sex Abuse in relation to Mr Howell’s time as Headmaster of Brisbane Grammar School.
“The University has discussed the decision with Mr Howell’s family.”
Griffith is in the process of removing the doctorate from their official archival website.
Kevin Lynch sexually abused students at Brisbane Grammar School and St Paul’s School at Bald Hills during the 1980s and 1990s.(ABC News)
Honour ‘awarded under false pretences’
Another survivor of Lynch â ‘Ben’ (not his real name) â backed the calls for removal of both awards
“This isn’t ‘cancel culture’ â quite simply Max Howell should never have received these awards in the first place,” Ben said.
“Each award was given to him after he perpetrated the professional misconduct and concealed the reports of child sexual abuse in his school.
“If the facts of his professional misconduct had been known by the awards committee at the time of being nominated for the awards, the awards would never have been issued, so they were awarded under false pretences.
“It was a mistake to issue the awards and that mistake now needs to corrected.”
‘Enormous courage’
University of South Australia Professor Chris Goddard, has been working in child protection for 40 years, said he applauds Mr Stoker for his bravery.
“It takes enormous courage to do what he [Mr Stoker] is doing â to publicly acknowledge what has happened to him and that he has been so damaged,” Professor Goddard said.
“To award someone and then say you can’t take it away from them because he is dead â when it later transpires he [Mr Howell] covered up dozens of cases of awful abuse â it is just extraordinary.
“Nothing can be that difficult â we do need cultural change.”
Max Howell’s name as it was on the indoor sports centre at Brisbane Grammar School, shortly before it was removed in 2015.(ABC News)
Professor Goddard said although Mr Howell was dead, this system was “living proof that people do not care about the victim’s feelings”.
“It is a constant reminder that ultimately [abuse victims] are low down the pecking order and to be brutal, it doesn’t really matter,” he said.
“It is another extraordinary example of us failing to take child abuse seriously.”
Professor Goddard said a letter to Mr Stoker written on behalf of Prime Minister Scott Morrison said: “The safety of children is of the utmost importance to the Australian Government.”
“So one way they can demonstrate it is showing that they will punish people â living or dead people â for crimes against children and covering up crimes against children,” he said.
Professor Goddard said he was “appalled but not surprised” that Mr Stoker’s campaign had failed so far.
“But it is wrong â completely and utterly wrong,” he said.
‘I just want it to stop’
Haunted by the depraved actions of Lynch for 36 years, Mr Stoker said he would continue his campaign to see Mr Howell “dishonoured” for his contribution to education.
“Most of all I just want it to stop â the recognition of people who have done the wrong thing by children to stop,” Mr Stoker said.
“Unless we change today we are not going to change tomorrow â if we keep ignoring the past, then the future is going to be the same as the past.”
Now realising that I too have been grouped as part of the âbad applesâ, perhaps if a collective group with other BadApples could be joined-or-started! Through continuing amounts of surviving-victims coming forward, the âoccasionalâ is growing to wider audiences thereâll be less âpots calling kettles blackâ + more merging of a multi-levelled society.
Pot calling kettle black, Google images.
Now realising that I too have been grouped as one of the âbad applesâ, perhaps if a collective group with other BadApples could be joined-or-started! Through continuing amounts of surviving-victims coming forward, the âoccasionalâ is growing to wider audiences thereâll be less âpots calling kettles blackâ + more merging of a multi-levelled sharing. Probably how our nation appears in front of the camera!
âCognitive dissonanceâ, âmonopolisedâ, âexcludedâ, ânegative attitudeâ & âvictim-blamingâ were included in a recent therapy appt. Following which, another surviving-victim began having an early-stage discussion of what was involved in both finding out more + preparing for meets with knowmore! Karma, Murphyâs luck, or pieces of reality fitting together?
Guys – an online support group that SAMSN are running, in case you are interested. I got info on it through an email from another Counsellor (BlueKnot)! Absolutely no pressure to join, Itâs just in case itâs something youâre interested in⌠(6pm-8pm may be Daylight Savings time, which weâll check on before then)
Mon 21st Feb is in just over 1 & 1/2 wks away. This should be a wonderful chance for you guys! Youâre definitely not alone.
How much of âunfair smear-campaigns that will be initiated at breakneck speed to everyone the parents know, the lack of compassion, understanding and support from others, and the loneliness, confusion and grief to process after we sever ties.â ⌠#dysfunctional family? (1 of 2)
âŚunderstanding and support from others, and the loneliness, confusion and grief to process after we sever ties.â ⌠are experienced by those whoâve withdrawn from a #dysfunctional family? #nationalredress is approaching settlement for 1 CSA surviving-victim: âApologiesâ awaited. (2 of 2)
Although weâre each taught that toddlers-teenagers are to be treated with âpurety + innocenceâ, as âchildren of godâ, Institutions of #BaptistChurch, #BrisbaneBoysCollege + #BoysBrigade have had their past behaviours brought into question. -(twitter)- #DSS-#NRS will now research their inclusion, in preparation for assessment of these #ChildSexualAbuse impacts. Bless each of you.
Does the mention of any of the terms of âcorruption, abuse, deception, obstructionâ cause a creepy feeling, the hairs on the back of your neck stand, or a chill run down your spine? You may have been effected by any of inappropriate issues, that are still becoming prevalent today. Most of us are familiar with the saying of âPower corrupts. Absolute power corrupts, absolutelyâ. (Lord Acton)
Translations of this are often made into areas of vulnerability: Teacher-Students (pedophilia), Church Leader-Youth (child sexual abuser), Sports Coach-Player (privatelessons), Disability Carer-disabled (manipulation), Government-Indigenous (stolen generations), Caretaker-Retiree (aged care abuse) and Banks-Customers (coercion). Thankfully, thereâs been many Royal Commissions called, with more to come. Our âRoyalCommBBCâ is only a small example of what can be possible, when the Sharing of beneficial Information-News-Experiences-Solutions are made.
A great part of any Institution, is that like members typically stick together. Itâs been found that when âreality hits homeâ, many of us acknowledge that theyâre not alone AND there is a simple solution available. This is where RCbbc can help, in supporting past Students, Parents and Friends in contacting experts in their fields.
As a result of common (parallel) habits being identified, from the increase in (hidden) truths being shared in Messages, Hearings & SocialMedia – collections of eNews-Poetry-Statements-Media will be shared. Under our newest ‘Library‘ menu, a list of these “Common points, Journals and Books” is starting.
A future automated entry will be possible, but for now either Post a Message or eMail the following to office@royalcommbbc.blog: (e.g. Beyond belief)
Library
Brisbane City Council
Material Type
eBook – DOWNLOADABLE EBOOK.
Item BC/Title
Beyond Belief: the Catholic Church and the Child Abuse Scandal
“Prevention, Identification & reporting, Response, Justice for Victims” are the 4 key areas considered by the Royal Commission in this 5th Chapter.
*The below is a chapter summary only of the Interim Report. You can download the chapter in full at the bottom of the page.
What we are learning about responding to child sexual abuse
As Chapter 4 noted, there are four key areas we must consider in our work:
Prevention How to better protect children against sexual abuse.
Identification and reporting
How to ensure:
children, staff, parents and the community can
identify abuse
children disclose abuse quickly
people and institutions report allegations, incidents or
risks of abuse.
Response How to eliminate or reduce obstacles so institutions respond effectively to reports of abuse.
Justice for victims How to address or alleviate the impact of abuse and ensure justice for victims.
This chapter looks at identification and reporting, response and justice for victims.
Key points
Identification, disclosure and reporting
Child sexual abuse in institutions is widely under-reported, despite legal obligations.
Individuals and institutions often fail to identify children who have been abused.
Many survivors delay disclosure for years and even decades.
Mandatory reporting laws exist across Australia but they are inconsistent and many people are unaware of their responsibilities under those laws.
Institutional responses
There is always a risk that child sexual abuse will occur, and it is essential that institutions respond effectively when it does.
Institutions must respond effectively to reports or information about allegations, incidents or risks of child sexual abuse. Effective responses can help to stop abuse, keep victims safe, ensure accountability and prevent future abuse.
Ineffective responses, meanwhile, can allow abuse to continue, compound the harm of the abuse, impede justice and undermine abuse prevention.
Many institutions treat their duty to respond to reports of abuse seriously and have improved their responses over time. However, the evidence emerging of institutional failures to respond will shock the Australian community, both in their scale and seriousness.
Justice for victims
Justice for victims of abuse is crucial, but emerging evidence shows that victims have often been denied justice by criminal or civil systems or redress schemes.
We are consulting widely to understand how these measures can be improved.
