7 Gaslighting Phrases Malignant Narcissists, Sociopaths and Psychopaths Use To Silence You, Translated

Gaslighting is an insidious erosion of your sense of reality; it creates a mental fog of epic proportions in the twisted “funhouse” of smoke, mirrors, and distortions that is an abusive relationship. When a malignant narcissist gaslights you, they engage in crazymaking discussions and character assassinations where they challenge and invalidate your thoughts, emotions, perceptions, and sanity. Gaslighting enables narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths to exhaust you to the point where you are unable to fight back. Rather than finding ways to healthily detach from this toxic person, you are sabotaged in your efforts to find a sense of certainty and validation in what youve experienced.

The term “gaslighting” originated in Patrick Hamiltons 1938 play, Gas Light, where a manipulative husband drove his wife to insanity by causing her to question what she experienced. It was further popularized in the 1944 film adaptation, Gaslight, a psychological thriller about a man named Gregory Anton who murders a famous opera singer. He later marries her niece, Paula to convince her she is going crazy to the point of being institutionalized, with the agenda of stealing the rest of her family jewels. According to Dr. George Simon, victims of chronic gaslighting can suffer from a wide array of side effects, including flashbacks, heightened anxiety, intrusive thoughts, a low sense of self-worth, and mental confusion. In cases of severe manipulation and abuse, gaslighting can even lead to suicidal ideation, self-harm, and self-sabotage.

Gaslighting can take many forms from questioning the status of your mental health to outright challenging your lived experiences. The most dangerous culprits of gaslighting? Malignant narcissists, who, by default, use gaslighting as a strategy to undermine the perception of their victims in order to evade accountability for their abuse. These perpetrators can use gaslighting callously and sadistically because they lack the remorse, empathy, or conscience to have any limits when they terrorize you or covertly provoke you. Gaslighting by a malignant narcissist is covert murder with clean hands, allowing the perpetrator to get away with their mistreatment while depicting the victims as the abusers.

I’ve spoken to thousands of survivors of malignant narcissists who have shared their stories of gaslighting, and below I include the most commonly used phrases malignant narcissists, sociopaths,and psychopaths employ to terrorize and deplete you, translated into what they really mean.

These phrases, when chronically used in the context of an abusive relationship, serve to demean, belittle and distort the reality of abuse victims.

1. You’re crazy/you have mental health issues/you need help.

Translation:You’re not the pathological one here. You’rejust catching onto who I really am behind the mask and attempting to hold me accountable for my questionable behavior. I’d rather you question your own sanity so you believe that the problem is really you, rather than my own deceptiveness and manipulation. So long as you believe you’re the one who needs help, I’ll never have to take responsibility for changing my own disordered ways of thinking and behaving.

Malignant narcissists play the smirking doctors to their victims, treating them like unruly patients. Diagnosing their victims with mental health issues for having emotions is a way to pathologize their victims and undermine their credibility; this is even more effective when abusers are able to provoke reactions in their victims to convince society that they are the ones with mental health problems. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, some abusers will even actively drive their victims to the edge to concoct proof of their instability. The Hotline estimates that around 89% of their callers have experienced some form of mental health coercion and that 43% had experienced a substance abuse coercion from an abuser.

Most survivors who reported their abusive partners had actively contributed to mental health difficulties or their use of substances also said their partners threatened to use the difficulties or substance use against them with important authorities, such as legal or child custody professionals, to prevent them from obtaining custody or other things that they wanted or needed.The National Center on Domestic Violence and the Domestic Violence Hotline

2. You’re just insecure and jealous.

Translation:I enjoy planting seeds of insecurity and doubt in your mind about your attractiveness, competence, and personality. If you dare to question my numerous flirtations, affairs, and inappropriate interactions, I’ll be sure to put you back in your place in fear of losing me. The problem, as I’ll convince you, isn’t my deceptive behavior. It’syour inability to remain confident while I perpetually put you down, compare you in demeaning ways to others, and eventually cast you aside for the next best thing.

Manufacturing love triangles and harems are a narcissist’s forte. Robert Greene, author of The Art of Seduction, speaks about creating ”an aura of desirability” which stirs a frenzied sense of competition among potential suitors. In abuse survivor communities, this tactic is also known as triangulation. It grants malignant narcissists a depraved sense of power over their victims. They actively provoke jealousy in their intimate partners in order to control them and paint them as unhinged when they finally react. When a victim calls out a narcissist’s infidelity in any way, it is common for them to label the victims insecure, controlling, and jealous to avoid suspicion and to continue to reap the benefits of multiple sources of attention, praise, and ego strokes.

Remember: to someone who has something to hide, everything feels like an interrogation. Narcissists will often lash out in narcissistic rage, stonewalling, and excessive defensiveness when confronted with evidence of their betrayals. https://74478144733d8f22c65a31173c8b0af0.safeframe.googlesyndication.com/safeframe/1-0-38/html/container.html PSYCH CENTRAL NEWSLETTERGet our weekly newsletter

Evidence-based guidance, up-to-date resources, and first-hand accounts to help you in your mental health journey.Enter your emailSIGN UP

Your privacy is important to us

3. You’re too sensitive/you’re overreacting.

Translation:It’s not that you’re too sensitive, but rather that I am insensitive, callous, and unempathic. I do not care about your emotions unless they serve me in some way. Your negative reactions provide me stimulation and pleasure, so please, do keep going. I enjoy putting you down for having legitimate reactions to my abuse.

According to Dr. Robin Stern, one of the effects of gaslighting include asking yourself Am I too sensitive? a dozen times a day. Claiming that victims are overreacting or oversensitive to emotional abuse is a popular way for malignant narcissists to override your certainty about the severity of the abuse you experienced.

Whether or not someone is a sensitive person is irrelevant when it comes to cases of psychological or physical violence. Abuse affects anyone and everyone of varying sensitivity levels, and its impact should not be taken lightly. A mark of a healthy partner is that they give you the space to feel your emotions and provide emotional validation, even if they do not agree with you. A malignant narcissist will excessively focus on your so-called sensitivity and consistently claim that you are overreacting rather than own their horrific actions when called out, regardless of how “sensitive” you may be.

4. It was just a joke. You have no sense of humor.

Translation: I love disguising my abusive behavior as just jokes. I like calling you names, putting you down, and then claiming you’re the one who lacks the sense of humor to appreciate my depraved “wit.” Making you feel defective allows me to say and do whatever I wish, all with a smile and a derisive laugh.

Disguising cruel remarks, off-color comments, and put-downs as “just jokes” is a popular verbal abuse tactic, according to Patricia Evans, author of The Verbally Abusive Relationship. This malicious tactic is very different from playful teasing which takes a certain amount of rapport, trust, and mutual enjoyment. When malignant narcissists dole out these unsettling “jokes,” they can engage in acts of name-calling, taunting, belittling and contempt while evading the responsibility of issuing an apology or owning their vicious verbal assaults. You are then gaslighted into believing that it is your inability to appreciate the “humor” behind their cruelty, rather than the reality of its abusive intentions.

“Just jokes” are also used to test boundaries early on in an abusive relationship; what you may have rationalized as a tone-deaf or off-color comment in the beginning can escalate into psychological violence quite quickly in the hands of a narcissist. If you find that you have a partner who laughs at you more than they laugh with you, run. It will not get better.

5. You need to let it go. Why are you bringing this up?

Translation: I haven’t given you enough time to even process the last heinous incident of abuse, but you need to let it go already so I can move forward with exploiting you without facing any consequences for my behavior. Let me love-bomb you into thinking that things will be different this time around. Don’t bring up my past patterns of abusive behavior, because you’ll then recognize that this is a cycle that will just continue.

In any abuse cycle, it’s common for an abuser to engage in a hot-and-cold cycle where they periodically throw in crumbs of affection to keep you hooked and to renew hope for a return to the honeymoon phase. This is a manipulation tactic known as intermittent reinforcement, and it’s common for an abuser to terrorize you, only to return the next day and act like nothing has happened. When you do recall any abusive incidents, an abuser will tell you to “let it go” so they can sustain the cycle.

This form of abuse amnesia adds onto your addictive bond to the abuser, also known as “trauma bonding.” According to Dr. Logan (2018), Trauma bonding is evidenced in any relationship which the connection defies logic and is very hard to break. The components necessary for a trauma bond to form are a power differential, intermittent good/bad treatment, and high arousal and bonding periods.https://74478144733d8f22c65a31173c8b0af0.safeframe.googlesyndication.com/safeframe/1-0-38/html/container.html

6. You’re the problem here, not me.

Translation: I am the problem here, but I’ll be damned if I let you know it! I’d rather subject you to personal attacks as you bend over backwards trying to hit constantly moving goalposts and arbitrary expectations of the way I think you should feel and behave. As you spend most of your time trying to fix your fabricated flaws while always coming up short of what I deem “worthy,” I can just sit back, relax, and continue to mistreat you the way I feel entitled to. You won’t have any energy left to call me out.

It’s common for abusive partners to engage in malignant projection – to even go as far as to call their victims the narcissists and abusers, and to dump their own malignant qualities and behaviors onto their victims. This is a way for them to gaslight their victims into believing that they are the ones at fault and that their reactions to the abuse, rather than the abuse itself, is the problem. According to Narcissistic Personality clinical expert Dr. Martinez-Lewi, these projections tend to be psychologically abusive. As she writes, “The narcissist is never wrong. He {or she} automatically blames others when anything goes awry. It is very stressful to be the recipient of narcissistic projections. The sheer force of the narcissists accusations and recriminations is stunning and disorienting.”

7. I never said or did that. You’re imagining things.

Translation:Making you question what I did or said allows me to cast doubt on your perceptions and memories of the abuse you’ve experienced. If I make you think that you’re imagining things, you’ll start to wonder if you’re going crazy, rather than pinpointing the evidence which proves I am an abuser.

In the movie Gaslight, Gregory causes his new wife to believe that her aunts house is haunted so she can be institutionalized. He does everything from rearranging items in the house, flickering gas lights on to making noises in the attic so she is no longer able to discern whether or not what she’s seeing is real. He isolates her so that she is unable to gain validation. After manufacturing these crazymaking scenarios, he then convinces her that these events are all a figment of her imagination.

Many victims of chronic gaslighting struggle with the cognitive dissonance which occurs when their abuser tells them that they never did or said something. Much like reasonable doubt can sway a jury, even the hint that something may not have happened after all can be powerful enough to override someone’s perceptions. Researchers Hasher, Goldstein and Toppino (1997) call this the “illusory truth effect” – they discovered that when falsehoods are repeated, they are more likely to be internalized as true simply due to the effects of repetition. That is why continual denial and minimization can be so effective in convincing victims of gaslighting that they are indeed imagining things or suffering from memory loss, rather than standing firm in their beliefs and experiences.

The Big Picture

In order to resist the effects of gaslighting, you must get in touch with your own reality and prevent yourself from getting entrapped into an endless loop of self-doubt. Learn to identify the red flags of malignant narcissists and their manipulation tactics so you can get out of disorienting, crazymaking conversations with malignant narcissists before they escalate into wild accusations, projections, blameshifting and put-downs which will only exacerbate your sense of confusion. Develop a sense of self-validation and self-trust so you can get in touch with how you really feel about the way someone is treating you, rather than getting stuck attempting to explain yourself to a manipulator with an agenda.

Getting space from your abuser is essential. Be sure to document events as they happened, rather than how your abuser tells you they happened. Save text messages, voicemails, e-mails, audio or video recordings (if permitted in your state laws) which can help you to remember the facts in times of mental fog, rather than subscribing to the distortions and delusions of the abuser.

Engage in extreme self-care by participating in mind-body healing modalities which target the physical as well as psychological symptoms of the abuse. Recovery is important to achieve mental clarity. Enlist the help of a third party, such as a trauma-informed therapist, and go through the incidents of abuse together to anchor yourself back to what you’ve experienced. Malignant narcissists might attempt to rewrite your reality, but you don’t have to accept their twisted narratives as truth.

References

Evans, P. (2010). The verbally abusive relationship: How to recognize it and how to respond. Avon, MA: Adams Media.

Greene, R. (2004).The art of seduction. Gardners Books.

Hasher, L., Goldstein, D., & Toppino, T. (1977). Frequency and the conference of referential validity.Journal of Verbal Learning and Verbal Behavior,16(1), 107-112. doi:10.1016/s0022-5371(77)80012-1

Martinez-Lewi, L. (2012, November 10). Narcissist’s Projections are Psychologically Abusive. Retrieved March 19, 2019, from http://thenarcissistinyourlife.com/narcissists-projections-are-psychologically-abusive/

Logan, M. H. (2018). Stockholm Syndrome: Held Hostage by the One You Love. Violence and Gender,5(2), 67-69. doi:10.1089/vio.2017.0076

Simon, G. (2018, May 11). Overcoming Gaslighting Effects. Retrieved March 19, 2019, from https://www.drgeorgesimon.com/overcoming-gaslighting-effects/

Stern, R., & Wolf, N. (2018). The gaslight effect: How to spot and survive the hidden manipulation others use to control your life. New York: Harmony Books.

Warshaw, C., Lyon, E., Bland, P. J., Phillips, H., & Hooper, M. (2014). Mental Health and Substance Use Coercion Surveys. Report from the National Center on Domestic Violence, Trauma & Mental Health and the National Domestic Violence Hotline.National Center on Domestic Violence, Trauma and Mental Health. Retrieved here. November 5, 2017.Psych Central does not review the content that appears in our blog network (blogs.psychcentral.com) prior to publication. All opinions expressed herein are exclusively those of the author alone, and do not reflect the views of the editorial staff or management of Psych Central. Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.


RETRIEVED https://psychcentral.com/blog/recovering-narcissist/2019/03/7-gaslighting-phrases-malignant-narcissists-sociopaths-and-psychopaths-use-translated#7.-I-never-said-or-did-that.-Youre-imagining-things

Catholic Church paid $276m to sex abuse victims in Australia

The Catholic Church paid $276 million to victims of alleged sex abuse committed by priests in Australia over decades, an investigation says.

Critics say the system of payments is unfair and not all victims receive the same opportunities or compensation.

Since 2013, the Australian Royal Commission into Institutional Responses to Child Sexual Abuse has been holding hearings on alleged Catholic Church sex abuse of children – mostly boys.

“Catholic Church authorities made total payments of [AU]$276.1 million [US$213million] in response to claims of child sexual abuse received between 1 January 1980 and 28 February 2015, including monetary compensation, treatment, legal and other costs,” the statement from the commission said on Thursday.

Catholic Church sex abuse Australia Pope pedophilia

On average, sex abuse victims received AU$91,000 in compensation, it stated.

The Christian Brothers religious community “reported both the highest total payment and the largest number of total payments $48.5 million paid in relation to 763 payments at an average of approximately $64,000 per payment,” the document said.null

The report added that the Jesuits “had the highest average total payment at an average of approximately $257,000 per payment (of those Catholic Church authorities who made at least 10 payments).”

“Even though the church has paid $270 million and it took a long time to get its act together to do that, there’s no doubt the system of paying people and compensating them is best done independently of the church through a national redress scheme,”the Church’s Truth Justice and Healing Council chief executive, Francis Sullivan, told AAP.

Sullivan said that not all victims have equal opportunities or compensation.

“Some congregations pay far more than others. Some dioceses pay far more than others. It’s still not a fair system,” he added.

It’s a picture of great unfairness and inequity between survivors across Australia depending on where they placed their claim,” Helen Last, CEO of In Good Faith Foundation, which represents 460 abuse victims, told Reuters.

The commission was established in 2013 to investigate instances and allegations of child sexual abuse in Australia. This month’s report says that between January 1980 and February 2015, 93 Catholic Church authorities received claims of child sexual abuse from 4,445 people.

It managed to identify 1,880 alleged perpetrators, who included 597 (32 percent) ‘religious brothers,’572 (30 percent) priests, 543 (29 percent) lay people, and 96 (5 percent) ‘religious sisters.’ At least 90 percent of the alleged perpetrators were male, according to the report.

Sexual abuse scandals have long dogged the Catholic Church. In 2014, the Vatican said 3,420 credible accusations of sexual abuse committed by priests had been referred to it over the past 10 years, and that 824 clerics were defrocked as a result.

In January, Pope Francis called for “zero tolerance”towards sex crimes against children, and condemned it as “a sin that shames” both the perpetrators and those who cover up for their crimes.


RETRIEVED http://hangthebankers.com/catholic-church-paid-sex-abuse-victims-australia/

First day realisations …

Today’s the day! Although the victim of a childhood full of ingrained occasions of #childabuse (through institutions of church-school-family) another Supervised Occassion involved ‘upgrades(?)’ to previously denied instances. This time round, after expected “memory losses”, the father admitted to remembering that some of these moments had been exchanged, yet had been ignored as simply “unbelievable childhood stories”.

Retrieved image | DuckDuckGo

Intriguingly, these same scenario had been raised in multiple Counselling calls, fore-planning an effective way to deal with them. Denial, Blame-shifting + Dismissal were included – along with a regular threat of ‘violence’ (in his ‘coping strategy’!). Counselling, for the parents had also been raised – in coping with the ‘Institutional grooming’, occurring amongst various groups.


Family + reconnection …

Posted on 

Family contact may occur, in the midst of #childabuse #counselling. However, when the unknown parent disagrees with the losses of the child (victim), not much is gained in a reconnection.


RESOURCES


Anstatt, Tony. (2021). Family + reconnection … . https://royalcommbbc.blog/2021/02/16/family-reconnection/

High-powered lawyer and self-confessed ‘bad-ass middle-aged mother’ quits board for elite Christian schools after creating Facebook group to find her stolen $41,000 BMW

  • A Brisbane woman started a Facebook page after her BMW was allegedly stolen
  • Bridget’s BMW Rescue Journey page was started by lawyer Dr Dr Bridget Cullen
  • Facebook page followed fictional meth-addicted teen who allegedly stole car
  • Posts were slammed as ‘wildly inappropriate’ but Dr Cullen hit back at criticism
  • She has now stepped down as a board member of elite Christian school board

A lawyer accused of ‘stereotyping poor people’ on a Facebook page she set-up after her luxury car was stolen has stepped down from the board of an elite Christian school group.  

Dr Bridget Cullen created the tongue-in-cheek page after her black 2017 BMW 5 series sports car was stolen from her Indooroopilly, west Brisbane, home in December last year.

The high-flying lawyer jokingly pretended to be the alleged offender on a page called Bridget’s BMW Rescue Journey.

But the attempted humour was not well received by parents and other members of the Presbyterian and Methodist Schools’ Association.

The governing body oversees the prestigious Brisbane Boys’ College, Somerville House, Clayfield College and Sunshine Coast Grammar schools. 

A self-described ‘bad-ass middle-aged mother’. Dr Cullen announced her departure on Tuesday night following a social media backlash.

Dr Bridget Cullen (pictured) said she started a Facebook page to assist police with their investigations after her luxury car was alleged stolen
Dr Cullen’s black 2017 BMW 5 series sports car was allegedly stolen from her home in Indooroopilly, west Brisbane in December last year. The vehicle has since been recovered

The public page, which has since been deleted, followed a fictional meth-addicted teenager whose mother is a prostitute living in government housing in Redbank. 

The series of satirical posts followed the teenager as he drove the vehicle around the local area and continued to break the law, including stealing mobile phones. 

‘Driving the beast all over town, buying up big on pseudoephedrine for big cook-up tonight,’ one post read.

According to the posts, the fictional teen had spent time at the Arthur Gorrie Correctional Centre, used fake IDs and referred to people who live in ‘Indro’ as ‘c**ts’.

The teen would also go on ‘benders’ and revealed how when they visited their grandmother for her birthday they yelled ‘What the f**k are you trying to do?’. 

Almost 600 followers joined the page, reportedly including Liberal National Party candidate for the Brisbane seat of McConnel in the 2020 state election, Pinky Singh.

Criminal lawyer Tam Elabbasi was also reportedly a ‘top fan’ of the page and allegedly wrote on the Facebook page on January 26 ‘I’m negotiating your movie deal! Easy money lol!’.

A series of posts on the Bridget’s BMW Rescue Journey Facebook page which Dr Cullen set-up in response to her vehicle allegedly being stolen

A senior source within the schools told the Courier-Mail the posts were ‘wildly inappropriate, and stereotyped poor people in disadvantaged areas’. 

Another said they were shocked by the ‘horrific language’ used. 

Dr Cullen had been frustrated police were unable to use tracking technology to locate the vehicle because of privacy laws. 

She said she created the page ‘to harness the power of social media to assist police in their investigation’.  

Queensland Police eventually recovered the vehicle and Dr Cullen said she was grateful for their work and for those who provided information in response to her posts.

A senior source within the schools said the posts were ‘wildly inappropriate, and stereotyped poor people in disadvantaged areas’. Pictured: Clayfield College
Dr Cullen announced her departure on Tuesday night following a social media backlash. Pictured: Somerville House
The Facebook page had close to 600 followers but has since been pulled down after a backlash

Any attempt to suggest that my posts were more than this would be driven by an agenda that does not respect my status as a recent victim of crime,’ she said on Monday evening.

‘I am committed to social justice, for all persons in our society. It is often the case when a woman is in a leadership position that some people will look for an easy way to cut them down.’

The governing body’s code of conduct states that members must ‘treat every individual with courtesy and respect’ and ‘use social media appropriately and responsibly’. 

PMSA chair Morgan Parker acknowledged Dr Cullen had ‘worked tirelessly during the transformative journey of the PMSA and she has made it clear that she has no interest in becoming a distraction to this significant body of work’.

‘We would like to reassure our community we are committed to the highest standards of conduct and ethical behaviour that are consistent with our Christian values,’ Mr Parker said.

Her departure comes in the wake of Mark Gray’s shock resignation as Brisbane Boys’ College (pictured) Council Chair in August last year over gripes with management
Dr Cullen was recently appointed to to the Presbyterian and Methodist Schools’ Association which owns Brisbane Boys’ College, Clayfield College, Somerville House and Sunshine Coast Grammar School (pictured)

Read more:

Lawyer quits board of elite Christian schools after tongue-in-cheek Facebook posts about stolen BMW

RETRIEVED https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9216355/Lawyer-quits-board-elite-Christian-schools-tongue-cheek-Facebook-posts-stolen-BMW.html

How much do the elite take care of their own

From ‘When British Royals Are Pedophiles, It’s Called Peccadilloes’ (Frank Report 2019), James Saville fronts the article (as follows).

James Saville

Through reading of this article, attention is drawn again and again by the following second paragraph:

Watch the deck being reshuffled over and over again as the “elite” take care of their own.

Despite receiving intense amounts of counselling, therapies, medications and distractions: many CSA Victims continue to speak about the intensity of their CARC Session and-or their NRS Submission, ripple effects within marriages and families who’re reluctant to admit that these (unkown) Abuses “ever happened” (‘under their responsibility’), disputes and victim-blaming that may result when the CSA Victim has to retell/relive these past experiences to uninvolved relations ‘for interest sake’, splits that may often be blamed on the CSA Victim for ‘being the needle in the haystack’ of their family separation.

  • many CSA Victims continue to speak about the intensity of their CARC Session and-or;
  • their NRS Submission;
  • ripple effects within marriages and families who’re reluctant to admit that these (unkown) Abuses “ever happened” (‘under their responsibility’);
  • common descriptions of young victims being so targeted, that they did not even know of what parts of the human anatomy were involved: “before I had ever even heard of sex or knew what anatomy was used” (Shivani, 5th paragraph, 2019);
  • patterns of predators should always be reported + shared with others in that community type (just as this RCbbc.blog). this allows for cautious advice to be shared with others (previous, existing + potential);
  • disputes and victim-blaming that may result when the CSA Victim has to retell/relive these past experiences to uninvolved relations ‘for interest sake’l;
  • an earlier victim of a known CSA Predator has gone from being victim, to re-enacting these same behaviours on a new victim. these actions should not occurr + Police should be contacted ASAP;
  • splits that may often be blamed on the CSA Victim for ‘being the needle in the haystack’ of their family separation;

Hike these are only some of the potential ‘haystack needles’, they do describe some of the experiences that some of the BBC Students had experienced, witnessed or ignored during their enrolment. These articles were never meant to make accusations, only to provide another POV in the often controlled world of ‘free media exposure’. Comments are welcomed, yet relevant threats will now be reported through applicable QPS CPIU channels (previous OCA comments included). As overlapping instances of Qld Baptist’s SDBC have been cited, these warnings are also made via SDBC_RC.

Prince Charles with Sir James, suspected of being a long standing pedophile.

BBC. (2020). Brisbane Boys’ College. https://www.bbc.qld.edu.au

Commonwealth of Australia. (2017). Child Abuse Royal Commission. https://www.childabuseroyalcommission.gov.au

Department of Social Services. (2020). National Redress Scheme. https://www.nationalredress.gov.au

OCA. (2020). Brisbane Boys’ College Old Collegians’ Association. http://oldcollegians.com.au

Qld Police Service. (2020). Child Protection Investigation Service. https://www.police.qld.gov.au/units/victims-of-crime/child-protection

SDBC_RC Blog. (2020). Sunnybank District Baptist Church Blog. https://sdbcrc.wordpress.com

Shivani. (2019). When British Royals Are Pedophiles, It’s Called Peccadilloes. https://frankreport.com/2019/08/13/when-british-royals-are-pedophiles-its-called-peccadilloes/


Royal Commission and Brisbane Boys’ College. 2020.

Misconceptions becoming weaponised

For many of the CSA Victim-Survivours and their families, the misconception of ‘justified manipulation’ is making a major part of the bigger picture. In experiences of multiple forms of “only our student/family has to deal with this”, the similar deny-deny-deny veil has been used repeatedly throughout the different institutions (i.e. churches, schools, clubs & teams) to use fake-news to hide the truths.

Ron Miller. (2016).

Catholic, other denominations (e.g. Anglican, Baptist, Presbetarian, Methodist), Private Schools (e.g. GPS: ACGS, BBC, BGS, GT, NC, TGS, TSS; ), lawyers, justice dept., police (state + federal), schools (Private – notably same-gender), journalism (online, paid and social) and other interested bodies have each increased their POV.

PRAYBOY satire of iconic Playboy media

While broad scale requests were sent to noted Private Schools (SEQ-GPS & NSW), Legal Bodies and Institutions already mentioned – there has (expectedly) been minimal feedback. Although there have been relevant leaps in Blog statistics, countries and articles – relevant ABC and SBS News contact has been included:

  • Perhaps they are too busy adjusting for these earlier exploits;
  • the hand of god has sent a messenger;
  • they each promise their sorrow, never to repeat it again (again);
Tassos Kouris (2008)

These ‘different pieces’ are being combined in RCbbc’s posts, to explain to readers that their repeated use + reuse is all too common. While reuse of positives may be understood for ‘competitive gain’, ‘academic prowess’ and ‘scientific understanding’, the often (silent 🤐 ) ‘negative gains’ are also swept-under-the-carpet:

  • As harmful as this may be to our individual children,
  • it’s also gravely hurtful – when taking a step back,
  • realise one action leads to another (influence),
  • tweeks-adaptions made to allow greater deception +
  • seeing at the big patterns forming.

Preparation of final NRS stage

Having completed my initial NRS Experiences and Impact Statements (NRS Fact Sheet, 2019), it initially felt ironic that the most nerves I had felt was actually at the final stage: Apologies. Advice that has given earlier indicates that description of each individual instance, together with personal impacts from each of their ongoing effects supports the evidence throughout the Instances and Impact Statements. While I had previously had the wrong POV, that completing Instances and Impact Statements, my work would be over – taking a wider POV, it’s now clearer that each section confirms and complements related matters throughout the NRS Submission.

NRS icon

As exciting as all this may sound, the journey of its lodgement isn’t over. knowmore (Community Legal Service) is another body involved in the National Redress Scheme. There are also Senior Staff within Blue Knot, who are able to offer their advice into the fine-tuning/tweaking of the order, expressions, focus and editing of Preliminary NRS Submissions.

7-ways-family-members-re-victimize-sexual-abuse-survivors, 2018.

In working my way through some of the updated NRS data, I came across the following list of possible example list of impacts of CSA experiences (Describing Impact of your Application, 2019). In closer focus, it began to both horrify my and reminded me in the instance(s) that I’m drafting up a list of requested apologies. I also realise that I am ‘but one fish in the sea’ of previous CSA Assaults. Although I feel fortunate for the beneficial discussions I’ve had, my deepest request/suggestion goes out to any other Surviving-Victim of CSA: Seeking Help can be done anonymously! When you’re ready to take things further, Expert Guidance is available.

describing-impact-your-application (2019)
NRS banding

REFERENCES

Power and Control

Power and Control (2020) | uploaded by Peter Vincent Lucas, from mindjournal

From the above chart’s simple 8 points, how many viewers know of these ordeals? Whether sexual or physical violence, they each are an act of VIOLENCE. Anyone’s childhood is meant to be appreciated, while we are raised to become ‘young adults’ at 18. The following image, may also remind some of the hardships as victims of their CSA teachers.

  • Coercion and threats
  • Economic abuse
  • Male privilege
  • Abusing children
  • Minimising, denying and blaming
  • Isolation
  • Emotional abuse
  • Intimidation
Child-Parents, S. Arabi | the minds journal

Ignoring children’s needs, putting them in unsupervised, dangerous situations, exposing them to sexual situations, or making them feel worthless or stupid are also forms of child abuse and neglect – and they can leave deep, lasting scars on kids.” (Harrison, The Minds Journal, 2020). The following are major forms of CSA:

  • Physical abuse
  • Sexual abuse
  • Emotional abuse
  • Medical abuse
  • Neglect
NRS logo (DSS) | website

Survival of any of the above listed actions, are strongly suggested to talk to someone else about it. It’s preferable that it be someone outside your immediate family, as there are many Counsellors available. NRS is also being updated, allowing for it to be easier for CSA victims to have their matters sorted – not impacting others (“minimising”).

ABUSE OF CHILDREN WHEEL – uploaded by Peter Vincent Lucas

INSTITUTIONS are identified, with description of many of scenarios dealt with in Australia’s Royal Commission (CARC) and the current National Redress Scheme. For the benefit of those Victims-Survivors that have come forth, we ask for you to consider coming forward. Counselling can be confidential, lodging an Application is when details begin to be made public.


REFERENCES

Sex and Teenage Boys

Teenage boys, Author Bmdehan (CC BY-SA 3.0 Unported)

Bridget Sipera, a teacher at Camden Catholic High School in New Jersey, has been charged with sexually assaulting a male student less than half her age [1].  The two repeatedly had sex over an 18 month period.

Western society tends to view sexual activity among teens as part of the natural process of development.  We bombard teens with sexual images.  Discouraging sex seems repressive to us.

While we may be protective toward our daughters, some of us actually cheer our sons on.  Sex with a teacher is seen as the ultimate fantasy.

But there are serious dangers associated with early sexual activity.  And sex between an adult and child is as damaging to boys as it is to girls.

Risky Behaviors

Teens who engage in sex are likely to engage in risky sexual behaviors in adulthood [2].

They are more likely to have multiple sexual partners, and less likely to use condoms. This increases their chances of contracting a sexually transmitted disease or HIV, and having an unwanted pregnancy.

Ten million of the sexually transmitted diseases newly reported each year are acquired by young people between the ages of 15 and 24 [3].  It bears mention that the brain is not fully developed till age 25.

Sexual Addiction

Early exposure to sexual content can, also, give rise to sexual addiction [4A].

Best estimates are that 3% – 6% of American men suffer from sexual addiction [5][6].  However, women can fall prey to sexual addiction, too.

Sexual addiction can destroy relationships, compromise finances, and contribute to criminality.

Typically, sexual addiction is characterized by one or more of the following [4B]:

  • compulsive masturbation;
  • reliance on pornography and/or prostitutes;
  • an endless succession of meaningless sexual encounters;
  • use of fetishes in place of human interaction;
  • voyeurism/exhibitionism; and
  • sexual sadism or masochism.

Addicts persist in these behaviors despite the negative consequences.

In an attempt to better understand the underlying causes, some psychologists classify sexual addiction into categories [6].  These categories help explain why certain individuals are more susceptible to sexual addiction than others.  The categories can overlap.

They are:

  1. Biological – Most sexual addiction has a biological component. Where the biological component is predominant, fantasy can  supersede or replace relationships altogether.  Triggers must be identified and carefully regulated, so that the brain can be retrained to new neural pathways.  A sponsor who will hold the addict accountable for lapses can be beneficial.
  2. Psychological – This form of sexual addiction is a reaction to childhood abuse or neglect.  As many as 80% of sex addicts may fall into this category.  For them, sex has become a maladaptive means of self-soothing.  Their underlying psychological pain must be addressed before a healthy self-image can be re-established, more appropriate means of coping substituted, and the addiction overcome.
  3. Trauma-Based – This form of sexual addiction is the direct result of sexual trauma in childhood or adolescence.  Trauma drives the repetitive behavior.  To heal, the addict must first make the connection between such trauma and his/her acting out.  Suppressed feelings surrounding the trauma must be explored and resolved.
  4. Mood Disorder – Sexual addiction can co-exist with anxiety and depression (as well as lead to those).  Teens and young adults may use sex as a way of “managing” their mood disorder, and find themselves addicted to the sexual response.
  5. Spiritual – This form of sexual addiction is an attempt to fill an emptiness inside only God can fill.  As the philosopher/mathematician/scientist/theologian Blaise Pascal put it, “There is a God-shaped vacuum in the heart of each man which cannot be satisfied by any created thing but only by God the Creator, made known through Jesus Christ.”

That sexual addiction is a challenging and tenacious disorder does not absolve sex addicts of the harm they inflict on others.

We owe our sons better.

[1]  6 ABC Action News, “Camden Catholic High School teacher charged with sexual assault” by Trish Hartman, 8/27/20, https://6abc.com/camden-catholic-teacher-sex-assault-cherry-hill-new-jersey-bridget-sipera/6391338/.

[2]  Lifespan/Bradley Hasbro Children’s Research Center, “Early Adolescent Sexual Risk Behavior:  The Clinician’s Role” by Christopher Houck PhD, July 2010, https://www.lifespan.org/centers-services/bradley-hasbro-childrens-research-center/early-adolescent-sexual-risk-behavior.

[3]  Centers for Disease Control, “Sexual Risk Behaviors Can Lead to HIV, STDs, & Teen Pregnancy”, https://www.cdc.gov/healthyyouth/sexualbehaviors/index.htm.

[4A and 4B]  PsychGuides, “Sex Addiction Symptoms, Causes and Effects”, https://www.psychguides.com/behavioral-disorders/sex-addiction/.

[5]  The Recovery Ranch, “How Common Is Sex Addiction”, https://www.recoveryranch.com/addiction-blog/common-sex-addiction/.

[6]  National Center for Biotechnology Information, US National Library of Medicine, National Institutes of Health, PubMed Central, “Understanding and Managing Compulsive Sexual Behaviors” by Timothy Fong MD, November 2006, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2945841/.

[7] Sex Addict, “The Six Types of Sex Addicts” by Doug Weiss PhD, https://sexaddict.com/six-types-of-sex-addicts/.


RETRIEVED https://avoicereclaimed.com/2020/11/08/sex-and-teenage-boys/#like-11041