To all of those whoâve sent in WP Messages to this RoyalCommBBC blog, I am sorry I havenât responded to your messages. Although Iâm now able to partly post new pieces, Iâm not able to access your messages. If possible, please COPY + PASTE them into either an eMail OR TXT:
0410 277 791
Despite Baptist churches (+7th Day Adventists & Jehovahâs Witnesses) being framed as though each individual location are âseperate entitiesâ, NRS acknowledgement under CARC conditions has included Institutions on a state-by-state level. As such, direct personal responses will be made on behalf of these state representatives. Under which these state bodies will be responsible for âcoercive control, indoctrinations & scapegoatingâ, in association with the âabuses & impactsâ (BraveHearts psychology, 2022).
As some of us have been taken through multiple âlevelsâ of CSA, this is where âComplex PTSD (Post traumatic stress disorder) also adds to the atypical occasions on NRS databases. Although I had previously suggested this in both my Private CARC Session and in my NRS Counselling, it wasnât until I started to share an âideas diagramâ with my psychologist, that another POV was made. It can be complex explaining, these complex settings, which are often covered by complex secrecy!
REFERENCES
As of 25 March 2022, the Scheme:
All institutions where child sexual abuse has occurred are encouraged to sign up to the Scheme as soon as possible.
As at Declaration 2, signed by the Minister on 7 March 2022:
A number of institutions were recently added to the Scheme legislation. This declaration is available on via the Federal Register of Legislation: https://www.legislation.gov.au/Details/F2022C00171
For the latest information about institutions, visit our website: https://www.nationalredress.gov.au/institutions
Take Your Power Back: Healing Lessons, Tips, and Tools for Abuse Survivors
This material may be protected by copyright.
If âIâd been looking for âthis kinda bookâ, for so longâ sounds familiar – this could be the answer! Both suggested + reviewed by others in our league, here are some short examples of what it contains:
âAs you discover and come into your own truth, you will gain the following:
⢠emotional strength as your self-confidence and self-assurance build
⢠an awareness of what triggers your painful emotions and moods, and an improved ability to cope with them before the pain escalates
⢠more responsiveness to outside influences as you become less reactive
⢠a feeling of safety in your own body
⢠confidence in your ability to consciously choose your response to situations that are in your best interest with due consideration for others, rather than emotionally gambling by unconsciously reacting in unhealthy ways to gain othersâ approval and avoid pain
Mentors, coaches, and therapists can be instrumental in guiding you through the process, but the answers to truth-based healing reside in us. We must seek them out and apply them by reaching into the core of our being for the answers. The point is this:
You must uncover and discover to recover.â
Ryan, Evelyn M. (2015). Excerpt from (p.25/188)
This book isnât an easy read, but thatâs not what readers of it are looking for. Answers, methods + solutions are what it contains, which is what this writing aims for! If anything can make surviving-victims of child-sexual-abuse feel better, itâs knowing that there are things like this book.
RETRIEVED
Ran, Evelyn M. (2015). Take your power back. Retrieved via https://books.apple.com/au/book/take-your-power-back/id1068414334.
Amazon https://www.amazon.com/Take-Your-Power-Back-Survivors-ebook/dp/B0793P43LP
Apple https://books.apple.com/au/book/take-your-power-back/id1068414334
HalfPriceBooks https://www.hpb.com/products/take-your-power-back-9781491778166
By Danny Morgan
Posted Thu 4 Aug 2022 at 4:30pmThursday 4 Aug 2022 at 4:30pm, updated Yesterday at 5:58am
The Catholic Church is using a controversial legal tactic in a bid to be excused from a civil damages claim lodged in the Victorian Supreme Court involving Cardinal George Pell.
A man is suing the Catholic Archdiocese of Melbourne and Cardinal Pell for damages, claiming he suffered nervous shock after learning of allegations Cardinal Pell sexually assaulted his son when he was a choirboy at St Patrick’s Cathedral in East Melbourne in 1996.
In 2018, Cardinal Pell was found guilty of the assault, but the High Court unanimously quashed the conviction in 2020.
The Cardinal has always maintained his innocence.
In a preliminary hearing in the Victorian Supreme Court on Thursday, the Archdiocese indicated it wanted to rely on what is known as the ‘Ellis defence’ to be excused from the case.
The Ellis defence emerged out of a 2007 NSW Court of Appeal judgement that prevented an abuse survivor suing the Church because it was not a legal entity.
Survivors have long complained about the Church using the Ellis defence, and in 2018 the Victorian Parliament passed legislation that required unincorporated associations such as the Church to nominate an entity that is capable of being sued.
However, lawyers for the Archdiocese argued that legislation did not apply in this case because the father of the choirboy was not the primary victim of the alleged abuse.
The father’s barrister, Julian Burnside QC, disagreed, arguing the 2018 legislation applied to both primary victims and their families.
“What our learned friends’ submission amounts to is this: If the victim of child abuse dies, then the family has no remedy, they have no-one they can sue,” Mr Burnside said.
“Now that’s plainly wrong in our submission.”
Justice Michael McDonald has reserved his decision on whether to excuse the Archdiocese.
If the Archdiocese is excused, Cardinal Pell would remain a defendant.
In a letter to the court, solicitors for the Archdiocese indicated that, even if the Church avoided liability, it would still pay any damages should the judge find against Cardinal Pell.
“If the plaintiff is awarded damages against the second defendant [George Pell], the Archdiocese will ensure that the award is paid by indemnifying the second defendant in respect of the award,” the letter said.
The father of the choirboy, who cannot be named for legal reasons, launched his case last month.
His son died of a drug overdose in 2014 and the father only learned of the allegations against Cardinal Pell the following year.
The father is claiming general damages, special damages and seeking compensation for past loss of earning capacity as well as past and future medical expenses.
His solicitor, Lisa Flynn, said the High Court’s decision to quash Cardinal Pell’s conviction would not affect the civil proceedings.
“The High Court made some decisions in relation to the criminal prosecution against [George] Pell. Our case is a civil case against George Pell and the Catholic Archdiocese,” she said.
RETRIEVED
Morgan, Danny. (2022). Cardinal George Pell Civil Case Catholic Archdiocese. Retrieved https://www.abc.net.au/news/2022-08-04/cardinal-george-pell-civil-case-catholic-archdiocese/101301514. ABC News, Australia.
COERCIVE CONTROL
Signs of coercive control are hard to spot; support and information will help.
Paybacks. Silent Treatment. Isolation. Threats. Humiliation. Sometimes even physical abuse. These are the weapons of coercive control, a strategy used by some people against their intimate partners. A relationship that should involve loving support ends up as a trap designed for domination. Although coercive control can show up in a variety of relationships, the most common is one in which a man uses coercive control against his wife or girlfriend. However, people of any gender and orientation(link is external) can be victims or victimizers.
People subject to coercive control grow anxious and afraid. Coercive control strips away their independence, sense of self, and basic rights, such as the right to make decisions about their own time, friends, and appearance.
Many men who use coercive control also abuse partners physically or sexually, but some use coercive control without physical violence. Outsiders may not be able to see the signs of coercive control in a couple; those who use it are often quite charming.
(Do you know someone who is being controlled in this way? Do you wonder if your relationship is too controlling? Hereâs a checklist(link is external) from my book, Invisible Chains: Overcoming Coercive Control in Your Intimate Relationship(link is external).)
Victims of coercive control often feel like hostages. Over time, being grilled, criticized, stalked, and monitored may seem routine and inescapable. Victims often blame themselves as they feel despairing and disoriented. Itâs easy for a person in this position to lose confidence and accept a partnerâs view of reality. They may feel confused as they are told again and again that they themselves have triggered their partnerâs behaviors by doing something âwrong.â At the same time, to keep the peace, victims may suppress their own desires, silence their voices, and detach from loved ones. Unfortunately, victims often do not see the connection between their partnerâs control and their own isolation until time has passed. Losing self-confidence and close relationships at the same time can be paralyzing.
People who get caught in the web of a controlling person are no different from others. They just have the bad luck to become involved with an abuser at a time when they are especially vulnerable. Typically, an abuser will lavish attention on a woman at the beginning of the relationship. Over time, he becomes jealous, monitors her whereabouts, and restricts her interactions with others. His partner thinks the original âhelpful manâ is the ârealâ him, and if she does things right, heâll go back to being wonderful again. At times he may indeed act loving, if this seems like the best way to maintain his control. Loving acts become another controlling tactic.
Once a controlling man has caught a woman in his web, he will do everything he can to prolong the relationship. Sometimes he will threaten, stalk, assault, or even murder her if she leaves or he suspects sheâs trying to leave. For this reason, even if there is no physical violence it is important for a person who is being controlled to contact a domestic violence agency and devise a safety plan.
Only a couple of decades ago, society named and recognized the problems of sexual harassment, dating violence, marital rape, and stalking. Coercive control needs to be similarly named and recognized, so we can begin to address it. We all need to learn more, so we can offer the right kinds of support(link is external) and not allow victims to become isolated.
* If you donât like the word âvictim,â feel free to substitute âsurvivorâ or another term that you prefer.
RETRIEVED
Sexual abuse was rampant at St Josephâs Orphanage in Clontarf, WA. The Christian Brothers would leer at the boys while they showered, and in the evenings, the Brothers would choose boys to take to their bedrooms. One of the survivors said this was âpretty much a nightly occurrence, or at least it occurred more often than notâ⌠Discover the horrific history of St Joseph’s Orphanage. / / / RETRIEVED Kelso Lawyers. (2022). St Vincents Orphanage Clontarf, from https://kelsolawyers.com/au/institutions/st-vincents-orphanage-clontarf/?goal=0_8de5cf57f7-b1db0993e0-26105593 |
A direct personal response (DPR) is one of the 3 components offered through the Scheme to eligible people.
Participating in a DPR is an opportunity for people who have experienced abuse while in the ‘care’ of an institution to share their experience of abuse, to the extent they wish to do so, with a representative of the institution and to have them hear, recognise and acknowledge their story. The institution’s representative may apologise on behalf of the institution and explain the steps the institution has taken or will take to prevent abuse happening again in the future.
A DPR can be given through a face-to-face meeting between a person and a representative of the institution, a written letter, or any other method preferred by the person and agreed to by the institution.
All participating institutions must participate in a DPR with a person who requests it, except where it would risk causing harm. Institutions must provide DPRs in line with the NRS DPR Framework.
Although this provided DPR info sounds fairly straight-forward, I can let readers know that itâs far from that. For some of us whoâre also dealing with related issues, having to relive the same moments for unfamiliar âhelpâ can unfortunately cause you to relive the same moments for the 3rd-4th-or even 5th time! Itâs great having a chance to reconnect, with those âin the knowâ whoâll be able to recognise your past-current-future lifestyle. This can be a great stage, to finally get âofficial statementsâ for YOUR ordeals – directly! Please take it from someone whose had to go off the comfortable track – reach out to the suitable Counselling people.
Thanks to Australiaâs impact of climate change & covid19:
âThereâs always a bigger wave âŚâ (common saying). CSA Survivours should try to keep in mind, that youâre not in this alone + theyâre more sources coming forward: other surviving-victims, Counsellors, Government Sources & Law-enforcement (Police, solicitors & judges).
REFERENCES
Question: Why is it exactly that the scapegoat child cannot trust their golden child sibling?
Answer: The golden child is committed to misunderstanding the scapegoat child, and in believing the smear campaign against them; the one full of lies.
What I am about to write about is not inclusive of every golden child. Some golden children do not exhibit any of the traits relating to this article and have the integrity enough to see right through the narcissist, tell the narcissist that they are in the wrong, and to stand by the scapegoatâs side. It is likely that if the golden child honours their scapegoated sibling in this way, (which is highly unusual) both children will be discarded from the family for having dared challenge the narcissist.
When I write about narcissism, I write about what I have witnessed happen in families where there is a narcissistic parent. The particular situation I am about to discuss runs rampant throughout narcissistic familiesâ, and is more common than not.
My primary belief about the golden child (who forms a nasty alliance with the narcissist against the scapegoat) is that they are completely unaware of what they are doing and that they have been completely brainwashed by the narcissist. However, that being said, the golden child still makes an executive decision to aid the narcissist in their smear campaigns of the people who expose the narcissist, challenge the narcissist, or who simply have a difference of opinion from the narcissist.
Why does the golden child choose to side with the narcissist?
The narcissist lives and breathes to influence the golden childâs perception of the scapegoat. Through daily put-downs of the scapegoat, exaggerations, and half-truths about the scapegoat, the narcissist will gradually erode the golden childâs perception of their scapegoated sibling. At times mind control sessions will occur on an hourly basis (not daily, hourly).
As the scapegoat becomes older, more defiant and defensive against the abuse, the narcissist will begin to fear exposure, and will suddenly turn the tables on the scapegoat. This is when they will tell all kinds of outrageous lies about the scapegoat, and work especially hard to turn the golden child against their sibling.
By the time the scapegoat exposes the narcissist, the narcissist (who knew this was coming all along) has already pulled one over the scapegoat; and now nobody in the family will believe the scapegoat when they begin to the claim that there is something wrong with the family system.
A close relationship between the scapegoat and the golden child?
A close relationship between the scapegoat and golden child, will in fact, inevitably be destroyed by the narcissist. This will happen because the narcissist has been moulding the golden childâs perceptions of the scapegoat since birth. Eventually, the golden child will completely forfeit the close relationship they may have with the scapegoat (if they were ever close, to begin with), and will act out the narcissistâs contempt of the scapegoat through their body language, verbal language, and utter nastiness.
Any signs of anger or emotional confusion from the scapegoat about the treatment of them during the devaluation phase will be perceived by the narcissist and the golden child as symptoms of a severe mental health issue within the scapegoat; instead of a pretty normal reaction to vile abuse.
The narcissistâs intent is to push the scapegoat over the edge, so as all eyes are off them, and on the scapegoat instead. All of this happens because the scapegoat brings to the forefront the narcissistâs shortcomings.
The golden childâs relationship with the parent:
The golden child is bought by the narcissist, given the best of everything, and doted on daily. They are also continually groomed and hoovered by the parent, told just how entitled or special they are, and are reminded by the parent just how similar they are to them. We mustnât forget that this child represents to the narcissist all of the goodness in them.
The narcissistic parent will encourage the other siblingsâ to also adore the golden child too, to do everything for the golden child, and to love this child until no end.
This child is always right, never punished for harming the other siblingsâ, and their misdeeds are shoved under the carpet. All of their misdeeds are projected onto the scapegoat, and the scapegoat becomes the golden childâs fall guy early on in the piece.
The scapegoatâs relationship with the parent:
The scapegoat is despised in childhood. Some theories suggest that the scapegoat is the whistleblower or the truth teller in the family. However, the narcissist will claim that this child is treated differently for obvious reasons. They have apparently always been a difficult child; while of course, the golden child wasnât. However, if the scapegoat was as adored, and never disciplined to extreme measures, like their golden child sibling, then the scapegoat child would have nothing to be upset about now, would they?
Excuses are always made by the narcissistic parent to explain away the abuse of the scapegoated child.
Common excuses:
These claims made by the narcissist are most likely true. However, the narcissist is prone to exaggeration, and these behaviours are fairly normal in children; some more so than others. The narcissist cannot tolerate ordinary child-like behaviour because in their eyes they are entitled to have complete control over the child. In the narcissistic family, normal childlike behaviour such as squabbling between siblings, or a bit of back chatting is used against the children. The children who refuse to be seen and not heard are assessed by the narcissist as being problematic. For example; crying is pretty much prohibited in this family system, or explained away as crocodile tears and attention seeking.
The scapegoat grows up living in the golden childâs shadow. When they get upset about it, and have the audacity to have an argument with the narcissist about the issue, they are told that they are insane, have mental health problems, and are out of control. They may even be told that they are very similar to other people that the narcissist deems as crazy, such as relatives or friends.
The narcissist hopes that by denigrating this child they will be able to control the child. This tactic usually goes the other way for the narcissist. Instead, the scapegoat becomes distressed at the accusations hurled at them, and one day discloses the abuse.
Meanwhile, the golden child sits back and feels very special while this is happening to the scapegoat. The abuse of the scapegoat not only keeps this child out of the limelight, but it reinforces to the golden child what a good child they are, and what a bad child the scapegoat is.
Lets get one thing Straight: The golden child isnât any better than the scapegoated child. They just havenât been scapegoated; that is the difference.
Cinderella Syndrome: So, here we have a very real case of âCinderella syndrome,â which of course the golden â child revels in.
Abuse in silence:
A lot of the narcissistâs abuse towards the scapegoat is done behind closed doors, in private where other family membersâ are unable to directly witness events which signify extreme abuse. Acts of subtle abuse, on the other hand, are committed in front of the entire family and are accepted by these family members as a consequence of the scapegoatâs behaviour. These family membersâ have fallen prey to the brainwashing tactics of the narcissist, and now also believe, along with the narcissistic parent that the scapegoatâs normal childlike behaviour, is the behaviour of a child with something seriously wrong with them.
âIt all depends on what the narcissist wants people to hearâ
Abuse of the scapegoat is also initiated very subtly in front of the neighbours, friends, work colleagues, or even the coffee shop owner. Often, friendsâ, colleaguesâ, and family membersâ accidentally perpetuate the abuse by telling the scapegoat that they are cheeky, should smile more, or that they have a sour persona. This reinforces to the scapegoated child that they are the problem.
Common phrases made to the narcissistâs minions:
These comments are said day in day out, sometimes five or six times in an hour. It is no wonder that the golden â child has a distorted perception of the scapegoat. Theyâre under the spell of mind control.
These continuous despicable comments eventually turn everybody against the scapegoat. So when the scapegoat acts out and claims that they are being treated unfairly, everybody, including the golden child, just thinks to themselves, âtheyâre crazy.â
A consequence of the scapegoatâs position in the family is that it enables the golden child, along with the other siblings, to blame their poor behaviour towards the scapegoat, on the scapegoat. Somehow, in some way, the scapegoat will always be blamed for the abuse hurled upon them.
The mind control that the narcissist has over the golden â child is a sure investment to the narcissist. Whenever the narcissistic parent requires the golden childâs allegiance against the scapegoat, the golden child will provide the narcissistic supply that the narcissist is asking for.
The narcissist has no empathy and no conscience; which means that they have absolutely no issue whatsoever with pushing the scapegoat over the edge emotionally. This way everybody will look to the scapegoatâs unusual behaviour, and focus on that rather than the narcissist.
Why must the scapegoat child never completely trust the golden child?
The golden child and the scapegoat child are sometimes good friends in childhood; best friends even. However, in most cases, the golden child will not accept that the scapegoat has been abused beyond belief. Deep down they too have internalised that the scapegoat is the crazy person, not the reverse.
They honestly donât get it, and how could they? Most of the time people cannot empathise with an abused individual unless theyâve experienced something similar. Not once does the golden child ever question the impact the severe emotional abuse inflicted on the scapegoat, by the narcissist, may actually have on their sibling.
The scapegoat must never ever fully trust the golden child, under any circumstances. At the end of the day, it is most likely that when it comes down to it the golden child will always align with the narcissist.
Why?
What the scapegoat needs to understand about their relationship with the golden child:
The relationship with this child was never real and never had a chance. Relationships canât exist when there is mind control involved or the likes of a dangerous manipulator.
The entitlement of the golden child:
The golden child believes they are so much better than their scapegoat sibling, who just cannot behave (apparently).
The golden child can be very two-faced. With entitlement can often come nastiness. Their specialness makes it ok for them to sit and laugh at the scapegoat behind their back, smear the scapegoatâs name, and continually put the scapegoat down.
The golden child has a sense entitlement, and they believe that everybody should treat them in a special manner.
Moral values
The golden child:
The sad fact is that the golden â child doesnât care. Its all about the survival of the fittest in this family, and if the golden child needs to turn on their sibling to keep in favour of a vile human being. Well, so be it.
It is absolutely imperative that scapegoated children, even in adulthood, never fully trust their golden child sibling; because unbeknown to the scapegoat child, the golden-child, even in early childhood, has taken on board the brainwashing tactics of the narcissist. Deep down, regardless of a friendship with the scapegoat child, or not, the golden child will always believe that the scapegoat is fundamentally floored.
This is what the evidence suggests about the scapegoat in the eyes of the golden â child:
The golden child has witnessed the scapegoat:
Golden child as judgemental:
The golden child is very judgemental and does not understand that these reactions are very normal reactions to a disgusting amount of psychological abuse.
The development of an alliance between golden child and narcissist: A scenario
In adulthood, the scapegoat may begin to tell people about their abuse, including the enabling parent. When they do this, and the truth becomes uncovered, the narcissist will take the scapegoat out, and destroy their relationships with the other siblings.
How does the narcissist use the golden â child to take the scapegoated adult child out ? A scenario
Narcissists are very revengeful: They will plot for months, or even years to get somebody back for some supposed slight that didnât happen as they see it (like a scapegoat pouring their heart out to a family member about being on the receiving end of severe mental abuse).
First, the narcissist will hoover the scapegoat into the family by love bombing them. The scapegoat will find it odd that the person whom they have exposed is now making them soup, buying them things, and suddenly being very kind to them.
The scapegoat will believe in their mind that they have made amends with their parent, and that the parent has forgiven them for exposing the truth. However, they will notice that the tension heightens when they enter the room and that their siblings are acting strangely around them. The scapegoat will know for months in advance that something is wrong; they just wonât be able to put their finger on it.
The final showdown may happen at a function, or while the scapegoat is visiting the parent, who appears to want them around. I have heard many stories where a scapegoat is vilified in front of everyone at a function; only to have the scapegoatâs original suspicions clarified. The tension they originally felt around the family was very real. The narcissist had been sitting around with the help of the golden â child smearing the scapegoatâs name to the entire family.
Mind control is in full force: Finally, one of the children will have enough (most likely a golden child sibling â (there can be more than one) and blast the scapegoat. When the scapegoat questions the parent in private, their supposed slight of the narcissist will most likely be mentioned to the scapegoat as a reason as to why the discard occurred. The other children will most likely never know that this was all a revenge plot by the narcissist. At this point, the golden child will show no remorse for what has happened.
Redeveloping a relationship with the golden child:
I personally believe that the golden child has already shown the scapegoat who they are, and that the scapegoat should really take this into account. The golden child cannot be trusted, and they have most likely shown this to be true on several occasions.
Possibilities for a relationship may occur after the narcissist dies. However, the scapegoat will never be able to trust the golden child again, because when it suits them, theyâll just turn against their scapegoated sibling, as a way to avoid all accountability for their own vile behaviour. The only element that will change in this scenario is who they side with.
Until the golden childâs perception of the scapegoat changes, which is unlikely, the scapegoat may need to sever all ties with the golden child and kiss the relationship goodbye.
RETRIEVED https://parenting.exposed/should-the-scapegoat-cant-trust-the-golden-child/
12 March 2022 by Carla Corelli
Do you know someone who is the son of a narcissistic mother? If so, then you should know that the sons of narcissistic mothers usually have a very difficult childhood. This is because a narcissistic mother feels a very strong need to control her son, and she will do whatever she can to make him into her perfect image.
The damage this does to her son can be significant, and it often affects his future relationships with women. Thankfully, there are now several online communities who support survivors of narcissistic abuse, and they offer invaluable support and advice.
Is the son the scapegoat or the golden child?
The way a narcissistic mother feels about her son will depend on whether he is the golden childor the scapegoat. The golden child is the one who meets all of her expectations and makes her look good to others, while the scapegoat is the one who constantly disappoints her and makes her look bad.
If you are the son of a narcissistic mother, itâs important to understand which role you play in your narcissistic family. This will help you to better understand why you feel the way you do, and it will also give you some clues as to how to overcome these feelings.
SoNM â The damage done by a narcissistic mother
The damage that a narcissistic mother can do to her son is immense. She may make him feel like he is never good enough, and she may constantly criticize him. She may also make him feel guilty and ashamed of who he is. All of this can have a profound impact on the way he sees himself, and it can lead to a lot of emotional pain in later life.
The future for sons of narcissistic mothers
The future for sons of narcissistic mothers is not necessarily bleak. There are many men out there who have overcome the challenges that they faced during their childhoods, and are now living happy and successful lives. However, itâs important to realize that this wonât be easy, and it will require a lot of hard work and determination.
If you are the son of a narcissistic mother, then I encourage you to seek out help and support of other SoNM adults who grew up in narcissistic families like yours. There is strength in numbers.
Donât hesitate to reach out for help if you need it â it can make all the difference.
You might also want to check out the following posts about the impact of childhood distress and trauma on children:
And finally, this is my story. I was the scapegoat daughter of a narcissistic father.
Disclosure: Please note that some of the links in this post are affiliate links. When you use one of my affiliate links, the company compensates me. At no additional cost to you, Iâll earn a commission, which helps me run this blog and keep my in-depth content free of charge for all my readers.