Tip Sheet: Create A Family Safety Plan

Create a family Safety Plan

You can help keep your child safe from sexual abuse by creating a safer environment around him/her.

Learn as much as you can:

Learn about the warning signs and what to look for in adults, teenagers and children.

Open communication:

Talk about child sexual abuse with those you are close with.

Set clear family boundaries:

Teach all members of the family to respect privacy in dressing, bathing, sleeping and other personal activities.

Take responsibility:

Speak up when you see something that doesn’t seem right to you. Interrupt behaviors and talk with the adult, child or teenager in the situation about what makes you uncomfortable.

Get other safe adults involved:

Be sure that no one in your family feels alone.

Stay involved:

Become a resource person for an adult, child or teen – there may be no more important gift you can give those you love.


For a full description of a Family Safety Plan, see Stop It Now.


RETRIEVED https://www.stopitnow.org/ohc-content/tip-sheet-create-a-family-safety-plan

“Pinky” (Elite) Culture, Power Elites + CSA

Brought closer to the fore, by the ongoing matters of: Jimmy Saville, Jeffrey Epstein, Rolf Harris, Harvey Weinstein, Prince Andrew, Bill Clinton, Kevin Spacey … Each of these supposedly ‘esteemed gentlemen’ did share a common thread: suspected of child sexual abuse (or variants).

Seemingly naturally continuing on past behavoiours, various elite levels within our modern society practice behaviours-actions, they actually speak against:

  • Royalty
  • Political
  • Business
  • Hierarchy

This does appear to emulate the Church-based practice of “don’t practice, what I preach”, in the form of increased amounts of legal convictions against church officials. With numerous GPS Private Schools interlinked, with an associated Religious Institution this ‘elite’ context gains another level.

For many conversations with non-GPS attendees, mention of “pinky”(elite) GPS schools continues top receive an unspoken (secretive?) response. Throughout the timeline of this RCbbc Blog, CARC, NRS and Counselling there has always been an element of:

  • Unhinged scientists(?)
  • Vast political conspiracies(?)
  • Mind control (?)

While each of these came from another article, they caught my attention and can be remembered in passing conversations of other schoolmates. This led onto a search amongst available media of: ‘hidden secrets of elite culture’s lifelong impact’.


REFERENCES

Cultural & Spiritual abuse

‘Cultural & Spiritual abuse’ resulting image (2020)

although these types of abuse may not be frequently acknowledged, they may carry the greatest impact on CSA victims. impacts of CSA may be embodied in many parts of our lives. following recent readings of Cultural abuse, different POV were raised with an advocate, who made identifications of Cultural & Spiritual impacts. these had related tomultiple instances in type upbringing of the abused child.

Cultural abuses may involve:

  • Belittles your beliefs, practices and traditions
  • Prevents you from participating in spiritual or cultural traditions
  • Forces you to participate in practices (not your own)
  • Misstating or misusing spiritual practices against you
  • Practices bad medicine against you

Spiritual abuses may involve:

  • Telling you that you’re not “native enough”, or if your partner is non-Native, that you’re “too Indian”
  • Uses hurtful stereotypes to put you down (“Indians are drunks, lazy,” etc.)
  • Prevents you from participating in ceremonies, pow wows, feasts
  • Uses tribal membership against you (“My tribe won’t let you…”)
  • Tells you that you’re not allowed to drum, dance, sing, fast or otherwise participate in traditions because of your gender

Each of these points are only examples of what are involved in Cultural + Spiritual abuse. As they’ve been taken from an American Helpline, reference has been made to (American) Indians. Indigenous Australians could be an equivalent.


WHAT IS CULTURAL ABUSE?

By StrongHeartsDV Admin Posted July 24, 2017 In Abusive Behaviors, Dating Violence, Domestic Violence in Indian Country


RETRIEVED https://www.strongheartshelpline.org/what-does-cultural-abuse-look-like/

Understanding Child Abuse and Neglect

Understanding Child Abuse and Neglect
Understanding Child Abuse and Neglect

D’load

Read Online


Understanding Child Abuse and Neglect (1993)  Consensus Study Report

Purchase Options MyNAP members save 10% online.Login or Register Buy Paperback:$105.00Download Free PDFRead OnlineOverview

Contributors

National Research Council; Division of Behavioral and Social Sciences and EducationCommission on Behavioral and Social Sciences and EducationPanel on Research on Child Abuse and Neglect

Description

The tragedy of child abuse and neglect is in the forefront of public attention. Yet, without a conceptual framework, research in this area has been highly fragmented. Understanding the broad dimensions of this crisis has suffered as a result.[read full description]

Topics

Suggested Citation

National Research Council. 1993. Understanding Child Abuse and Neglect. Washington, DC: The National Academies Press. https://doi.org/10.17226/2117.

Import this citation to:

Publication Info

408 pages | 6 x 9
Paperback
ISBN: 978-0-309-04889-7
DOI: https://doi.org/10.17226/2117

Families at Risk of Breakdown

Beacon House (UK)

“If a community values its children, it must cherish their parents” – John Bowlby, 1951

At Beacon House, we are passionate about working with networks who are supporting families at risk of breakdown, where children are identified as being ‘In Need’ or meeting criteria for child protection procedures. We also sometimes work directly with families (or their professional networks) where care proceedings have been initiated, where the parties are open in principle to supporting therapeutic intervention prior to a final hearing. Please note that this sometimes requires an extension to standard timescales, as long as this is safe for the child.

The role that we take is somewhat different from that of an independent expert; we commence every piece of work with an overarching question of “What would need to be put in place for everyone in this family to be safe, and have their needs well met?”

Our work is inspired and shaped by the pioneering writing and research of Dr Patricia Crittenden. Crittenden’s key text, ‘Raising Parents’, shines a light on attachment throughout the lifespan, and the impact of parents’ own early years and developmental experiences on their capacity to safely parent their own children.

“Supporting – cherishing – parents is central to caring for their children. Doing so makes emotional sense, functional sense, and economic sense; parents are the only resource that is never cut back. Moreover, they are the architects of society; let’s value all parents and assist those that need help” 

Patricia Crittenden, 2008.

We offer three different pathways for families at risk of breakdown – all with a primary focus of meeting the emotional and psychological needs of the caregiver, and facilitating them to do the same for their children:

  • Case Consultation to the Allocated Social Worker
  • Case Consultation to the Professional Network
  • Parental Therapeutic Needs Assessment

Consultation to the Allocated Social Worker

Why choose this?

This option is useful when:

  • There are parts of a family’s situation that are difficult to understand
  • There are multiple significant needs, and it is difficult to know which to prioritise
  • Things feel ‘stuck’, or expected change is not happening
  • It is difficult to accurately assess risk
  • Aspects of the case are having a powerful impact upon the allocated worker

What is involved?

Key background reading is undertaken by the consulting Psychologist (e.g. chronology, PAMS assessment, assessments by other mental health professionals).

The Allocated Social Worker meets with the consulting Psychologist (either at one of our clinics, or the Social Worker’s usual base), and is guided through the process of developing a trauma and attachment informed, psychological formulation of the case.

The Social Worker is supported to connect with the emotional and psychological impact of the case for them, and thus, understand the ‘helping’ attachment relationship more deeply. This understanding is incorporated in to the formulation.

What happens next?

Initial recommendations are shared during the consultation session. Recommendations are likely to include:

  • Attachment and trauma informed strategies for working with the family
  • Priority needs to be addressed (i.e. those most likely to result in timely change)
  • How to sequence interventions
  • How to optimise the attachment relationship between parents and professionals

A written case formulation will be provided by the consulting Psychologist within two weeks of the consultation.

Case Consultation to the Professional Network

Why choose this?

This is a useful option when:

  • A case is complex, with the potential for risk of harm to children or young people is significant, and a number of different agencies are involved
  • There are parts of a case that are difficult to understand, and there is a lack of consensus within the professional network
  • There are multiple significant needs that require the input of a large number of professionals, and it is difficult to know which to prioritise
  • The professional network is not working as effectively together as everyone would like
  • Professionals, and the family, feel stuck and frustrated
  • Aspects of the case are having a powerful impact upon the all of the professionals involved, which may be manifesting as difficulties in relationships between professionals

What is involved?

Key background reading is undertaken by the consulting Psychologist (e.g. chronology, PAMS assessment, assessments by other mental health professionals)

The entire professional network meets with the consulting Psychologist (either at one of our clinics, or a convenient location for the network), and is guided through the process of developing a trauma and attachment informed, psychological formulation of the case.

Considerable time is dedicated to supporting the entire professional network to connect with the emotional and psychological impact of the case for each individual, and the network as a whole. The patterns of survival, defence, attachment, resilience and compassion within the team will be ‘brought to life’ in the room, and the network will be supported to observe these patterns with acceptance, curiosity and respect. This understanding is incorporated into the formulation.

What happens next?

We ask professional networks to approach these consultations with openness, honesty and self-reflection. Therefore, we do not minute or record what is shared.

In the final part of the meeting, the consulting Psychologist will facilitate the network to bring their reflections together in to a clear and concise plan for future working.

Parental Therapeutic Needs Assessment

Why choose this?

Empirical evidence tells us that the most powerful way to meet the emotional and psychological needs of a child is to meet the emotional and psychological needs of their caregiver. Creating a safe and secure care environment in the home has more profound and long-lasting impact than any individual therapy provision or even a number of discrete therapies.

Working alongside West Sussex County Council, we have developed a specialism in meeting the therapeutic needs of vulnerable parents. Often, parents come to us with a history of significant adversity, disruption, loss and trauma. They may have been removed from their own birth family. They may have insecure and mistrustful attachments with professional caregivers. They may find it difficult to relate openly to ‘help’, as help may feel threatening, overwhelming, or confusing.

A Parental Therapeutic Needs Assessment may be appropriate when there is a recognition that a parent’s own psychological and emotional vulnerabilities are serving to inhibit their capacity to parent their own children in the way that they would want to. We are very happy to work alongside statutory services to proactively engage parents who are anxious, ambivalent or unsure.

What is involved?

We commence all of our assessments with a professional network meeting. It is really important for parents to know that all of the professionals around them are working together in a joined-up way, and that there is an overall commitment to supporting them therapeutically. This meeting happens with the knowledge of the parent, but they would not usually be in attendance. This is an opportunity for professionals to share both their concerns and their hopes.

Following this, we would typically undertake any background reading, and meet with the parent over two to three hours to complete a clinical interview and administer psychological measures. Our aim is to develop a psychological ‘formulation’ of the parent’s difficulties, both as an adult in their own right, and as a parent. This involves developing an understanding of:

  • The parent’s own early years environment, early experiences of care, and developmental experiences.
  • The story of the parent’s key transitional stages (e.g. childhood to adolescence, adolescence to adulthood).
  • Understanding any significant life events, including the experience of becoming a parent.
  • A detailed picture of how difficulty and distress impact upon daily life, including the challenges of parenting.
  • The factors that seem to make things worse, or stop them from getting better.
  • How the parent experiences ‘help’, in the context of their own attachment pattern, and how they relate to professional caregivers.
  • The parent’s strengths, resources, skills and qualities.

All of this information is then brought together, underpinned by psychological theory and research evidence. We draw upon this understanding to generate our therapeutic recommendations for the parent.

What happens next?

Our assessment letter will be ready within three weeks of the last assessment appointment. This letter will include our formulation, and detailed recommendations for the type of therapeutic intervention that we think would be most helpful. We will invite the parent and allocated Social Worker to come back to meet with us face-to-face, to share our formulation and therapeutic recommendations. We usually conduct this meeting in two parts, allowing the parent to be the first person that our feedback is shared with.

Where therapeutic intervention is recommended, a phased programme will be devised, allowing the commissioning service to regularly review progress before commissioning the next phase. Please see ‘How will progress be reviewed?’

The psychological interventions that we use with vulnerable parents include:

  • Cognitive Analytic Therapy
  • Comprehensive Resource Model
  • Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing
  • Integrative Psychotherapy
  • Internal Family Systems Therapy
  • Mentalization Based Treatment
  • Schema Therapy
  • Sensorimotor Psychotherapy

If, as part of a Parental Therapeutic Needs Assessment, it becomes clear that the parent-child relationship could be further supported by a dyadic intervention, this will form part of our recommendations. Most often, individual intervention with parents will be sequenced to take place before their child is brought into a therapeutic space with them.

How will progress be reviewed?

Therapeutic progress is something which is continually reviewed throughout the intervention. During the feedback and treatment planning meeting with the parent and Social Worker, the intervals for review will be agreed. Review can take the form of a telephone call between therapist and Social Worker, a written report, or a professional’s review meeting.

Alongside this, we have three main ways that we evaluate therapeutic progress:

  1. During the Therapeutic Needs Assessment, the parent will be asked to fill out a number of questionnaires, which will be re-administered at the end of each piece of work.
  2. At the start of the therapeutic intervention, the parent will be asked to identify three therapeutic goals, and scale them to show how well they feel they are achieving those goals. We will review these goals and the scaling at the end of therapy.
  3. At the end of therapy, both parent and referrer will be asked to tell us how satisfied you feel with your experience of coming to Beacon House, and whether you feel the difficulties you have been working on have improved.

How do I make a referral?

You can request a referral form by contacting the clinic on 01444 413939. Alternatively, you can email admin@beaconhouse.org.uk. Please specify which service you are requesting: case consultation, professional network case consultation, or therapeutic needs assessment and your preference of whether the work should take place from our Cuckfield or Chichester clinic. If you are unsure of the right option, please feel free to request a free of charge initial telephone conversation with Dr Laura France, Adult Services Lead, to help you to select the most appropriate service.

Your referral form and supporting documentation will be reviewed by our Adult Services Lead, who will then provide an estimate within three working days. We are usually able to commence work immediately on the receipt of a Purchase Order number. We do not have a waiting list and can usually organise the first appointment within two weeks.

Safeguarding

Our commitment to working therapeutically with parents is rooted in our commitment to the safety, protection and well-being of children. Please see our Safeguarding Policy here.


Getting in Touch

If you have any questions about our services please feel free to pick up the phone to us on 01444 413 939 or send us an email on admin@beaconhouse.org.uk, we welcome informal conversations about whether we are the right service for you. To make a referral please click here.

(Please do not send Post or attend for Therapy)
Registered Name Beacon House Psychological Services Ltd
Registered in England and Wales.
Registered Address AD5 Littlehampton Marina, Ferry Road, Littlehampton BN17 5DS
Registered No: 09205920
Chichester 01243 219 900Cuckfield 01444 413 939Enquiry: Message Us

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RETRIEVED https://beaconhouse.org.uk/specialist-clinics/families-at-risk-of-breakdown/

The Elephant in the Room campaign


#shrinktheelephant

PARCS have been taking conversations about the elephant in the room out of the centre and in to the local Portsmouth community since we were established by a group of local women in 1981. Our aim is to raise consciousness, challenging victim blaming narratives and rape myths, and to offer support and signposting to survivors of sexual abuse.

Our current outreach and education programmes are co-produced with the communities they hope to engage and work to challenge and disrupt the ever-present societal and cultural narratives of sexual violence. While our consciousness raising work has developed we believe the messages we took out in 1981 to be just as relevant now.

We believe that every community has a part to play in responding to and preventing sexual violence and that we all have the power to shrink the impact of the trauma caused by sexual abuse.

In 2016, following the launch from The Survivors Trust “Elephant in the Room campaign” we purchased a 10ft inflatable elephant and since then the elephant has attended hundreds of events including Portsmouth Pride, The Great South Run, Victorious, The South Coast Festival and many local Portsmouth schools and colleges. 

The Elephant in the Room has also featured in many of our awareness campaigns and this year we launched a series of posters of the Elephant at “home” and out in Portsmouth City, in response to the impact of sexual abuse during the pandemic.

Launched in August, 2020 #ShrinkTheElephant is our new campaign created during lockdown by a group of young women volunteering to train as young leaders and activists through Project Catalyst.

The aim of the campaign is to raise consciousness of the impact of sexual abuse in our local communities through photography. Many of the photo’s for the campaign have been taken by young people out in and around Portsmouth as well as in homes during lockdown with the aim of highlighting that HOME is not always a safe place for survivors of sexual abuse no matter how long ago the abuse happened.

The Elephant has gone on tour in the next chapter of the #shrinktheelephant campaign and with support from Strong Island and many local photographers we will be holding a local exhibition to showcase the images of the Elephant in and around Hampshire. We will also be running a photography competition for young people, aged 18 and under, from the Portsmouth and South East Hampshire area. To enter simply find an elephant model of your choice and capture your photos of the Elephant in the Room then tag us on Instagram @shrinktheelephant. If you prefer you can also DM us your photos if you wish them to be posted anonymously. More on this and information about prizes coming soon.

For more information on Project Catalyst or if you are interested in becoming a PARCS activist contact us: projectcatalyst@parcs.org.uk or for more information on the Elephant in the Room campaign contact us: admin@parcs.org.uk


RETRIEVED https://www.parcs.org.uk/index.php/activities/elephant-in-the-room

Covid-19: Are you concerned about wearing a mask?


Survivors on our helpline tell us that covering their own face or seeing the faces of others covered has been a triggering experience for them. From a small survey we conducted, we found that a third of survivors who responded confirmed this. With the Government’s announcement that face coverings will be mandatory in shops from Friday the 24th of July, this issue will only worsen for survivors affected by this.

Within the Government’s Guidelines for face coverings on public transport, it states that those who “cannot put on, wear, or remove a face covering without severe distress” will be exempt. Although technically this exemption includes survivors of sexual violence who are triggered by covering their face, asking a survivor to explain this to staff and security guards is a terrifying and humiliating prospect. Many survivors already carry a great deal of shame about what happened to them, making disclosing this to strangers an impossibility. There is also the worry as to how staff or other shoppers may react to them. We live in a society where members of the general public’s perception of survivors are still heavily clouded by rape myths and victim blaming. Survivors may not always receive an empathetic and compassionate response.

Although we strongly urge survivors to try to wear face coverings in order to protect themselves and the vulnerable members of our society, the guidelines state that those who “cannot put on, wear, or remove a face covering without severe distress” are exempt.

If wearing a face covering will be severely distressing for you, please download one or both of these images to your phone to present to staff when entering shops. These are NOT official Government documents but they may help you feel more comfortable when speaking with staff and security guards.

When viewing this web page on your phone, press the image above with your finger and hold down for a second or two. A box will pop up with a few options, select the option to download or save the image. The image should then appear in your photos ready for you to access.

Here are a number of alternative exemption cards that you can download, print and present:

Masks and face coverings can be triggering for a number of reasons. Wearing a face covering can trigger memories of abuse, such as the feeling of having a hand covering your mouth or your face pushed into a pillow. They can also make us feel claustrophobic which can trigger fears of having a panic attack or losing control of our breathing. Survivors have also reported that not being able to see the faces of those around them is intimidating and makes them feel worried. With the conditions of lockdown worsening pre-existing mental health issues and feelings of isolation for many people in the UK, survivors are particularly vulnerable at this time.

Here are some of our tips to consider for those who are worried about wearing a mask:

Practice wearing your face covering at home. If wearing a face covering or mask in public has been particularly triggering for you, try practicing wearing one at home or in environments where you already know you feel safe. Take the time to get used to how it feels on your face. This will make you feel more prepared and relaxed for when you might have to wear the face covering in less familiar or more stressful situations.

Find the right face covering. Some masks and face coverings fit better than others depending on the size and shape of your face. If you can find a face covering that is comfortable and doesn’t irritate you, this will help you stay relaxed in public. 

Get creative. If you feel uncomfortable wearing a mask, you could consider wearing a scarf or handkerchief over your mouth instead. Although the feeling is similar, it may be less restrictive and more familiar if it is an item you’ve owned for a long time. You could even make your own mask or face covering with fabric that makes you happy and feels comfortable on your skin. Here are some official tips on making effective face coveringsIf you like the idea of having a personalised mask but would find it difficult to make your own, you can find personalising options online, such as on Bags of Love.

Make it smell good. If there is a particular smell that you find relaxing, such as lavender, invest in a pillow spray that you can lightly spray a fabric mask with 20 minutes before you need to use it. That way, by the time you come to wear the face covering, the smell won’t be overpowering but just enough to relax your senses.

Ask for support. If you have trusted family and loved ones who know what you have been through, ask for their support. This might look like going for practice walks in the face covering with you, going with you to the shops to support you if it gets too much, or helping you to find the right covering for you.

If even after following these tips a mask is still causing you significant distress, you could consider a face shield instead. These still offer protection to the wearer and those around them without the same restrictive fabric covering the mouth. The Centres for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) outlines on their website that they do not recommend the use of face shields as a substitute for face coverings, however, if they are used without a mask “they should wrap around the sides of the wearer’s face and extend to below the chin. Disposable face shields should only be worn for a single use. Reusable face shields should be cleaned and disinfected after each use.” You can find more information on this on the CDC’s website here. Face shields are also helpful for those who are hearing impaired or wear glasses (face masks are renowned for steaming up glasses.) You can find a variety of face shields onAmazon and other online retailers. 

If you lip-read as part of your communication, you may find an app such as Live Transcribe helpful when those around you are wearing a mask. The app will create live subtitles on screen as a person speaks. Simply search for this in your phone’s app store and click download.

If you feel triggered when you are out in public, whether this is due to face coverings or being overwhelmed by busy places, try considering grounding techniques. Grounding techniques can be very useful when we feel really distressed, particularly when the distress makes us feel very unreal or detached, or it feels like we are in a different situation to where we really are. You can find these here.


RETRIEVED https://www.thesurvivorstrust.org/covid-19-are-you-concerned-about-wearing-a-mask

Fact sheets for COVID-19 (Coronavirus)


In response to the outbreak of COVID-19 (Coronvirus), Blue Knot have prepared some fact sheets to help members of the community, as well as health professionals take care of themselves and others during this challenging time.

Here at Blue Knot Foundation, we will continue to provide as many of our usual services as we can. As the health and wellbeing of our staff is our absolute priority we are rapidly transitioning our teams to working from home. We will still deliver all of our counselling services – Blue Knot Helpline and redress application support as well as the National Counselling and Referral Service supporting people affected by or engaging with the Disability Royal Commission. Our counselling services will maintain the high degree of professionalism, privacy and confidentiality currently provided. Should there be any disruptions to our services during this transitions, we anticipate that they will be minor and temporary. Our focus is for our trauma specialist counsellors to continue to provide the counselling, support and information currently provided through all the usual numbers and channels (see below for further information). 

We will also continue to disseminate our monthly Breaking Free and quarterly Blue Knot Review publications as always. Blue Knot will be additionally releasing new publications and fact sheets in the coming months, including resources related to caring for ourselves during the Coronavirus outbreak. 

Ongoing Counselling and Support Services 

Call 1300 657 380 Mon-Sun between 9-5 AEDT to reach our Blue Knot Helpline and redress services.

Call 1800 421 468 to reach our National Counselling and Referral Service (supporting the Disability Royal Commission) or go here and to find out the other ways with which you can connect with this service.

The Australian Government has released an official app with the information you need to know about Coronavirus (COVID-19).

Download from Apple App Store
Download from Google Play 
or visit www.australia.gov.au

The Australian Government has also created a new WhatsApp feature.

Message +61 400 253 787 or go to aus.gov.au/whatsapp in your web browser to get coronavirus information you can trust from the official Australian Government chatbot.

Whatsapp is available from the Apple Store or Google Play.

Please do what you can to look after yourself, stay connected and reach out when you need to.

Blue Knot Helpline 1300 657 380 Mon-Sun 9am-5pm AEST/ADST

Download Now

Download Now

Download Now

Download PLAIN ENGLISH version


RETRIEVED https://www.blueknot.org.au/Resources/Fact-Sheets/COVID-19

Memories Can’t Be Buried


CONTACT ME | ?

Memories Can’t Be Buried

August 31, 2020 Posted by Tim LennonSurvivor SupportNo Comments


Horrific memories, nightmares, and other forms of PTSD burden survivors of sexual abuse. Memories of violent sexual abuse become too painful to endure. The natural response of those overwhelmed by horrific memories is to bury the memories, cover them up, ignore them, push them away. Many try to flood the memories in drugs and alcohol to dampen the pain and anguish. These approaches attempt to keep out the harmful memories, but they can’t be buried.  

While we may not consciously remember the sexual abuse, the emotional memories are present—always. This gives rise to other emotional effects such as depression, low self-esteem, fear, anxiety, etc. Sometimes we are not aware of the impact of the unconscious memories. Sometimes we cannot get the emotional baggage out of our conscious, day to day, activities. Sometimes these memories can attack us in terrifying nightmares.

CHILDUSA points out that memories of violent sexual remain buried until the average age of 52! This delayed emergence of memory is especially true of those sexually attacked as children. My view is that memories of our abuse surface when we have the strength of character to face them. In my case, the most violent and horrific memories did not surface until I was 63. 

I believe that the best path forward is to acknowledge the memory, incorporate them as part of who we are as a full person. It is an incredibly difficult process but a process that will eliminate the imprisonment of memories that controls our lives. It can be liberating.

Several elements ensure the success of the integration of harmful memories. It is a challenging journey, and gathering support is necessary. The first is to embrace those closest to you and seek their support, such as family or close friends. The second is to engage with a therapist who specializes in sexual trauma. The third is to participate in a support group through SNAP, a local rape crisis center, or find an agency of support. 

I had great success with using the therapy practice of EMDR. (Wikipedia definition) It requires courage and strength. The benefit is that you bring include all your memories to become your true self, the good and bad.

I do not say that the burdens of PTSD and depression won’t disappear. But it does give us hope and the ability to thrive.

No longer will memories control our future. 


RETRIEVED https://standupspeakup.org/memories-cant-be-buried/


About Tim Lennon

President, Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests, survivor, advocate, activist, volunteer, twin daughters, power yoga @SNAPnetwork #MeToo #ChurchToo


Being a Survivor of Child Abuse
Inside the mind of a victim

Inside the mind of a victim

I was abused for sixteen years by my mother.

From an outside perspective, I belonged to a middle-class family and lived a happy and fulfilled life. I excelled at school and partook in many extra-curricular activities, such as swimming, piano lessons and ballet. I was the textbook definition of a ‘good child’.

My first recollection of abuse was when I was perhaps five or six years old. My parents were arguing and when I tried to intervene, my mother lashed out and struck me across the face.

The stone of her engagement ring cut my face drawing blood. I vaguely remember being upset, however, what sticks with me is the next day. I was at school and met with questions as to what happened to my face. Instinctively I constructed a lie and told everyone that I had walked into the sharp edge of a door.

What amazes me, is that I was able to lie so quickly and convincingly at such a young age. I do not even remember my mother telling me to lie, I just know that felt as if I should.

As I grew older and my mother’s ability to control me diminished, her abuse developed.

There was one time where I truly feared for my life. I do not remember the cause for her distress, however, she became so enraged that she reached for a wooden statue of a seahorse that was in our hallway, and lifted her arm high up to strike me with it. At that moment, I saw her pupils shrink and her face was screwed up in extreme torment. I thought that if she hit me with that statue, I would probably die.

I froze in panic and said nothing. I think my passive reaction caused her to snap out of what I assume was a dissociative state. She changed her mind and she dropped the statue.

Another time, she had kicked my legs so I was sat on the floor and she was slamming my head into the wall. I kicked my legs out towards her and struck her in the chest, hoping to get her away from me. She cried out in pain and began crying, berating me for being abusive and hurting her. The problem with her was that she never thought logically and that situation then became one where I hurt her, regardless of the fact that she had just been assaulting me previously.

Many people have often questioned why myself or my father never spoke out and told anyone about the abuse that we faced. The answer is a complex one, yet it can be simplified to the fact that when you are subjected to abuse for the majority of your life, it can become normalised.

I understood what my mother did was wrong, however, I never believed that it was bad enough to speak out. The other reason is due to embarrassment. The trouble with abuse is the victim often feels ashamed, even though the shame should be entirely on the abuser.

I could not let my friends or teachers know what was happening, yet at the same time, I dreamed that they would somehow know and save me from the horrors that I faced.

When I recall the years of abuse that I faced, I think the emotional abuse affected me much greater than the physical. I did not like to be hit, however, I would’ve chosen that over the alternative, which was the punishment of humiliation.

She achieved this in various ways, such as locking me outside of the front of the house, forcing me to sit outside knowing the neighbours could see me. Another method would be to text my friends shameful and embarrassing messages from my phone, knowing that I would have to pretend it was me, as I could not explain that my mother would do such a thing.

Towards the end, as I neared adolescence, I became really upset with my situation. My mother and father had separated, due to her forcing him to leave, and her distress caused by the dissolution of marriage was taken out on me.

As her mental health spiralled, the emotional abuse and screaming became more frequent. I was nearing the age of taking exams as a sixteen-year-old girl, and I was tired of juggling my school work, with having to look after my mother who was out of control.

I would often have sleepless nights due to her making me sleep on the floor in a cold room as a punishment, or keeping me up by shouting at me for some trivial mistake that I had made. I then became desperate for my situation to change.

At this point, it was still never a viable option in my mind to tell an outsider and get help. Not because I was scared, or because I didn’t think that anyone would believe me. I just simply did not consider doing it. I then started hoping that someone else would save me from my situation. I often opened windows when my mother was in a fit of rage, hoping a neighbour or passerby would hear her and report it.

I shamefully remember hoping that she would do something really drastic- inflict so much damage to me that I would end up in the hospital or that someone would call the police to take her away. Like many others, I ask my younger self: ‘why did you not just simply tell someone?’

Then came the day that completely changed my life. I had recently been in contact with my father and had told him that I could not take the situation anymore and that he must do something. He had a wide range of evidence of her abuse, from text messages to videos. I was at school one day when I was asked to leave my classroom to speak to someone.

The police sat in a room and explained that my father had reported my mother for abuse and that she was in custody.

I was taken to a police safe house in the forest to complete a vulnerable witness video statement, as I was under the age of eighteen and the victim of traumatic crime.

I was asked to outline as much as I could of the abuse that I faced throughout the years. I listed multiple instances in a rather matter of fact way, to which the policeman was shocked. He told me how he was stunned that I could talk of such experiences so calmly and without getting upset.

He also told me how horrified he was, as a father of a young girl, that someone could face what I had. It was at this point, that I truly understood the reality of my experience, causing my resolute appearance to shatter. I broke down in tears, realising that for the first time in my life, somebody else knew what I had faced.

As an adult leading a happy and successful life, I can still see the remnants of my trauma. One of my biggest flaws is that I overthink how others perceive me. I spend hours worrying if I have said something wrong, or embarrassing, which I believe stems from punishments of humiliation, which were designed to render me as vulnerable.


RETRIEVED https://medium.com/@nepiggott/being-a-survivor-of-child-abuse-c19d08cdaae8

Natasha Piggott