As thereâs finally the #Herculaneum article posted, all of Prof. Richard Carrierâs work appears. The links towards the bottom of these pages give the best low to the 1 of 3, 2 of 3 & 3 of 3 parts. Itâs an eye-opening read, which can be âa head spinnerâ as it questions much of what Christian churches force us to believe âŚ
For many of the CSA Victim-Survivours and their families, the misconception of âjustified manipulationâ is making a major part of the bigger picture. In experiences of multiple forms of âonly our student/family has to deal with thisâ, the similar deny-deny-deny veil has been used repeatedly throughout the different institutions (i.e. churches, schools, clubs & teams) to use fake-news to hide the truths.
Catholic, other denominations (e.g. Anglican, Baptist, Presbetarian, Methodist), Private Schools (e.g. GPS: ACGS, BBC, BGS, GT, NC, TGS, TSS; ), lawyers, justice dept., police (state + federal), schools (Private – notably same-gender), journalism (online, paid and social) and other interested bodies have each increased their POV.
While broad scale requests were sent to noted Private Schools (SEQ-GPS & NSW), Legal Bodies and Institutions already mentioned – there has (expectedly) been minimal feedback. Although there have been relevant leaps in Blog statistics, countries and articles – relevant ABC and SBS News contact has been included:
These âdifferent piecesâ are being combined in RCbbcâs posts, to explain to readers that their repeated use + reuse is all too common. While reuse of positives may be understood for âcompetitive gainâ, âacademic prowessâ and âscientific understandingâ, the often (silent đ¤ ) ânegative gainsâ are also swept-under-the-carpet:
Posted Jul 30, 2020
When I was a kid, I once overheard my mom on the phone, saying, âJason keeps pretending he canât hear me when I call him to help with the dishes.â My own kids sometimes adopt this same strategy. Have you ignored a summons to step up and be responsible? Dismissed emails to avoid something unpleasant? Rejected the news about the dangers of sugar, booze, or nicotine?
Dodging reality to live in denial is a forte of our species. A few years back, I was in a thrift store and found a used book from the 1950s arguing vigorously for the health benefits of cigarette smoking. When we donât want to change, we stick our heads in the sand and use denial. The satirical newsmagazine The Onion nailed it with their article, âNew Study Finds Nothing That Will Actually Convince You to Change Your Lifestyle So Just Forget It:â It said:
âThough it contains several significant discoveries with a direct bearing on human health, a comprehensive study published this week in The Journal Of The American Medical Association has found no data that will in fact convince you to change your lifestyle in any way, so whatâs the point of even telling you about it?â
The more we want something, the more we are tempted to ignore the truth if it gets in our way of having it. In twelve-step programs like Alcoholics Anonymous, the first step is to get past denial. This is because, as author Stephen King writes, â[Addicts] build defenses like the Dutch build dikes.â King knows this firsthand, as he wrestled with alcohol and drug use. He told himself he âjust liked to drink,â or, as a sensitive artist, he needed the drugs to face the pain and challenge of writing. Like most addicts, he thought he was the exceptional person that could handle it. It wasnât until his wife and family confronted him, including dumping out a garbage bag of evidence (beer cans, cocaine spoons, cigarette butts, Valium, Xanax, Robitussin, Nyquil, and mouthwash bottles), that his denial walls crumbled down.
Source: Photo by Rafael Serafim from Pexels
Facing reality is painful, but it is better to address warning signs instead of turning a blind eye. Sometimes spouses ignore signs of addiction (she keeps coming home late plastered), infidelity(why does he abruptly shut the laptop when I come in the room?), or lies (that story just changed again). Excuses mount, and denial becomes enabling. Itâs easier to ignore warnings than have difficult conversations, but this leaves problems free to grow unchecked.
Some of the damage from child abuse is caused by those who looked the other way and ignored the warning signs. Many victims tried to tell a parent or teacher about mistreatment and were disregarded or pressured not to talk. When this happens, victims doubt their own reality, and the truth gets lost.
This distortion occurs in domestic violence, where abusers minimize their actions, and threats of being hurt cause confusion and self-doubt in those who are abused. One of my projects examined how an abuserâs blame can persuade a victim to doubt what happened and blame themselves. One woman said: â[He convinced me that] if I wouldâve just done this, he wouldnât have taken my debit card away, or ⌠he wouldnât have yelled at me or said that I was stupid.â
Survivors also use denial to cope, because it is hard to admit abuse is occurring, or leave. Denial gives a victim a chance to come to terms with an awful situation while trying not to feel worthless. As another research participant said: âIf you can not focus on the negative, things are always better. If you live in your dream world with the rainbow, all that stuff, itâs always much easier to cope. If he was bad about everything, then I had to be bad, too.â
Denial of reality may be understandable, but problems donât usually change by themselves. If you are disregarding important concerns, itâs time for a cold splash of truth. Ask yourself: Am I avoiding a difficult issue? Do I sometimes rewrite reality in a way that becomes dishonest?
If so, it may be time to break through the denial and accept the facts. This is how change occurs and relationships become more authentic.
REFERENCES
Stephen King, On Writing: A Memoir of The Craft (New York: Scribner Books, 2000), p. 94.
Terry Trepper, and Mary Jo Barrett, Systemic Treatment of Incest: A Therapeutic Handbook (London: Routledge, 2013).
Jason B. Whiting, Megan Oka, and Stephen T. Fife, “Appraisal Distortions and Intimate Partner Violence: Gender, Power, and Interaction,” Journal of Marital and Family Therapy 38, no. s1 (2012): 133-149. doi: 10.1111/j.1752-0606.2011.00285.x
After reading through the recent WP Articles of Supply and Demand â What about the Truth?, Abuse â Turning a Blind Eye no More, Official: Priest accused of going AWOL & How to Let Go of the Need to Control Others it is noted that the patterns of Child Sexual Abuse is by no means cases of ‘isolated incidents’, ‘sole Predators’ or ‘one-off errorsâ. In what some have long suspected as an endemic problem, this will also require a common solution. Beyond the Religious basis of Catholicism (where many of these ordeals were hidden; 7% of all Catholic priests in Australia; age at the time of the abuse was 11.5 for boys and 10.5 for girls) , a multi-facetted approach will be needed. Australiaâs 5 yr Royal Commission 2013-2017 uncovered many of these ingrained occasions, yet so much more is needed for effective change. It is known that many families of CSA Victims continue to follow their Church beliefs, ahead of acknowledging the wrongful impacts on their targeted child.
Perhaps the ingrained element of Control over our vulnerable stems from Caesarâs control over Rome, Anakinâs/Darth Vader’s control over Resistance (Star Wars), or simply the control dynamics found in many a childâs playground. The 4th Article gives us an outlook of personal stresses with micromanaging our children & spouse. Control of ourselves is a major stage in Dr Perryâs Article, involving personal strengthening stages. There may always be others trying to control us, yet through effective parenting-family-networks light will always be possible.