Posted Fri 19 Mar 2021 at 12:33pmFriday 19 Mar 2021 at 12:33pm, updated Fri 19 Mar 2021 at 11:30pmFriday 19 Mar 2021 at 11:30pm
Brisbane Boys’ College Captain Mason Black with his mother Michelle Monsur.(Supplied: Brisbane Boys’ College)
The school captain of one of Brisbane’s top private boys’ schools has called on his peers to put an end to rape culture and be proactive in stopping the sexual assault and harassment of women.
Key points:
Brisbane Boys’ College captain Mason Black made a powerful speech to his peers
The Queensland government has ordered a review of how sexual consent is taught in both independent and state schools
Queensland public and private schools were named in anonymous testimonies about sexual assault in an online viral petition
Brisbane Boys College (BBC) captain Mason Black made the resounding speech in front of peers on Thursday, calling on them to “accept this injustice against women and stand up for what is right”.
It follows thousands of Australian students anonymously detailing harrowing accounts of rape and sexual assault on a viral petition calling for sexual consent to be taught earlier in schools.
BBC was among the Queensland public and private schools identified on the petition in testimonies from young women.
A video of Mr Black’s speech calling for a change in culture at the college and broader society, has attracted about 260,000 views on Instagram and tens of thousands on Facebook.
In his speech, Mr Black revealed his mother had been sexually abused at just 10-years of age.
“Are you brave enough to ask your mum about her experiences? What about your sisters? Friends?” he said.
“I wish I grew up in an Australia where the narrative that one in three women will be physically or sexually abused at some point in their life wasn’t true, but it is.”
It comes as the Queensland government undertakes a review of sexual consent education in both public and independent schools across the state.
“I feel so ashamed that this issue is a part of our history and our culture.
“I feel ashamed that the action of some reflects poorly on us all, but realistically it isn’t just those who are mentioned in the media.
“If you have ever objectified a woman based on her looks, talked about females in a misogynistic way, or taken advantage without consent, you are part of the problem.
“Seemingly harmless comments can have such devastating effects.”
He called on his peers to “stop being boys” and “be human”.
“Every person in this room must not just be an advocate for equality, but in our every action and deed we have to be proactive in stopping the abuse.”
The student called on his peers to put an end to slurs and derogatory comments, to stand up to “any man” if they see it happening, and keep their mates accountable.
“Each and every one of us have an obligation to each other to not follow the ways of the past, and to take our future on a new path,” he said.
The speech was lauded on social media for inspiring a change in culture but drew some criticism that the same attitudes were not held among his peers.
One 16-year-old Brisbane schoolgirl, Anya, voiced her frustration that the speech had received so much praise “over the voices of millions of women around the world, some of whom in recent weeks have had the courage to be vulnerable when sharing their past experiences with sexual assault”.
“It’s been widely recognised a massive part of the problem is the way men are praised for doing the bare minimum yet women are compelled to overcompensate for their lack to “keep them safe”, her post on Instagram said.
Chanel Contos speaks with TODAY after her petition to change consent education in schools went viral.
WARNING: Distressing
Thousands of students from across every part of Australia have spoken out about a chilling culture of normalised rape and sexual assault – as pressure grows for systemic change.
Since being overwhelmed by the response to her petition – calling for earlier and more holistic sexual education lessons – Sydneysider Chanel Contos has received more than 4000 testimonies from students in South Australia, Western Australia, Victoria, Queensland, the ACT and NSW.
Overnight, she launched a website where the disturbing accounts are beginning to be made public for the first time.
There are already more than 1500 testimonies on the website – and many of them bear eerie similarities to the vile stories that emerged from Sydney schoolsshortly after the petition first went live.
In many of the freshly-uploaded accounts, students say they were raped while unconscious at parties or woke up to being touched by someone inappropriately.
MELBOURNE SCHOOLS MENTIONED
Many of the new testimonies come from Melbourne schools, where students say there is a similar culture to the chauvinistic club-like mentality reported in some Sydney all-boys schools in the initial testimonies.
One former student at Carey Grammar School said she was 16 and at a party when she smoked her first joint and passed out on a bed.
“I thought I’d be safe as the host went to my school,” she said, recounting the incident in 2012. “Instead he came in and got into bed with me.”
She said the boy then started digitally penetrating her, and wouldn’t stop even though she repeatedly asked him to.
She said a friend of the boy entered the room and “joined in” – before spreading rumours around the school about the victim’s body.
“When I told my ex boyfriend a few years later he told me I asked for it and shouldn’t have laid down,” she said. “There’s so much wrong to this story.”
In another testimony, a former Firbank Grammar School student said she and her mates were invited to a “massive party of about 500 people” when she was in year 9.
“It was one of my first experiences drinking a lot and I was vomiting at the back of the party and going in and out of consciousness,” she said. “I don’t remember anything but the next day I found an Instagram picture of me passed out next to my vomit with a guy I don’t know with his hands up my dress.”
She said the St Kevin’s College student’s friends took pictures and posted them online.
“I reported the photo every day for a long time before it was removed and it still terrifies me that lots of people I don’t know have that photo,” she said. “I also don’t know what else was done to me that night because I don’t remember.”
‘RAPE CULTURE’ BEING EXPOSED
The disturbing accounts are just some of hundreds that have been uploaded overnight, and Ms Contos told news.com.au that thousands more will be uploaded soon.
“I’m really excited that this is reaching different states because once these stories start coming out in other parts of the country, I think we will see the same response we’ve seen in NSW,” she said.
“The more people that come forward, the more it will help the cause and it will expose the rape culture in our society.”
Former Kambala student Chanel Contos started an anonymous online petition to improve sex and consent education in schools across Australia. Picture: Supplied
Private Sydney schools in particular were mentioned time and time again in the initial testimonies, and Ms Contos said she was already seeing positive signs that schools and MPs in the city were taking the petition seriously.
She is meeting with several headmasters in the schools mentioned tomorrow as well as Liberal MP for Wentworth Dave Sharma – who has thrown his support behind the campaign.
“As the response to this petition makes clear, we’ve all got to do better in educating our children, at home and in our schools,” Mr Sharma said.
PARENTS PULL STUDENTS OUT OF PRIVATE SCHOOLS
As the pressure grows for systemic change, it’s clear some parents aren’t willing to wait.
Some of those who sent their boys to Sydney private schools mentioned in the petition have spoken out, and some have reportedly sent their children to other schools.
One father of a year 9 student at Kings School in Parramatta told the Sun-Heraldelite schools cultivated a culture of entitlement and privilege, which he said leads to a lack of “sensitivity” towards others.
“They teach these kids they’re the best, they’re the chosen ones, they’re going to run Australia, they’re going to conquer the world,” he said.
The parent said he chose the private school for his son to give him a better chance, but worried he and his wife would struggle to teach the child to be empathetic towards others.
News.com.au has contacted the school for comment.
Member for Wentworth Dave Sharma is meeting with Ms Contos tomorrow. Picture: John Appleyard
MELBOURNE SCHOOLS RESPOND
Meanwhile, Melbourne schools mentioned in the new testimonies have expressed their concern.
The body representing some of Melbourne’s most prestigious Catholic schools – including St Kevin’s College, Parade College, St Mary’s College, St Joseph’s College and St Bernard’s College – said the petition had pushed them to take action and signalled they would work with parents to address the issue.
“The powerful testimonies provided by the many young women in the online petition are disturbing and are an indictment on societal decency,” said Edmund Rice Education Australia executive director Dr Craig Wattam.
“All of us – schools, families, and the broader community – must carefully consider and revisit issues pertaining to sex education.
“More specifically, sexual consent education is required for both young men and women and we need to be providing this education in early adolescence.”
News.com.au has also reached out to Carey Grammar School for comment.
Queensland’s most prestigious boys’ schools have been rocked by graphic allegations of rape and sexual assault committed by current and former students, with private school girls publishing shocking claims online.
Allegations against Brisbane Grammar School, Brisbane Boys’ College, Toowoomba Grammar School, Nudgee College, St Joseph’s College Gregory Terrace, Anglican Church Grammar School and St Laurence’s College students are among the thousands of testimonies posted on a viral petition calling for earlier education on sexual consent.
Petition creator Sydney student Chanel Contos’ call for victims to share stories of sexual assaults perpetrated by all-boys’ school students in an effort to highlight “rape culture” has resulted in more than 4000 responses from across the county.
Chanel Contos launched a petition and website which was flooded with allegations of rape and sexual assault by private school students. Picture: Instagram
Ms Contos said distressing stories from Queensland girls quickly flooded in after the petition was shared widely on social media.
One posted by a former All Hallows’ student alleges she was raped by a boy from the prestigious St Laurence’s School in Brisbane, while a second All Hallows’ student claims she was coerced into losing her virginity to a Churchie boy and woke up “covered in blood”.
A number of former All Hallows’ students claim they were raped by boys from Brisbane private schools. Picture: Supplied
Another wrote there were “multiple occasions with various students from St Laurence’s and St Joseph’s College Gregory Terrace – I learnt the hard way about consent.
“I was raped and left in the dark, bleeding between my legs as I was robbed of my virginity. “It was painful and I didn’t tell anyone because I was ashamed.”
A claim by a former Stuartholme student alleges she was raped at a party by a Terrace student.
“Everyone at that party including my ‘friends’ at the time let me get drunkenly led into that room and no one did anything to intervene,” the post states.
Another Stuartholme student wrote she was coerced into having sex by an older boy and “eventually gave in”.
A post claiming to be from a former St Aidan’s Anglican Girls School student alleges she was raped in Year 9 by a Year 10 Nudgee College student.
“Immediately after the assault I told a friend and she slut shamed me and told me I was ‘too drunk’ and asked ‘what did you expect’,” it read.
St Joseph’s Gregory Terrace College at Spring Hill. Picture: SuppliedSt Laurence’s College in South Brisbane. Picture: Supplied
A fellow St Aidan’s student wrote she was “digitally raped” at a school dance by a Brisbane Boys’ College student while his friends laughed.
Ms Contos said while the majority of responses to her petition referenced private boys’ schools, she believed similar stories were happening “in every school in Australia”.
“But the issue is heightened in same sex schools because it’s not an adequate representation of reality,” she said.
“You often only see the opposite sex on the weekend, when the main goal is having a story to tell on Monday.”
Ms Contos said while she had been in touch with politicians from New South Wales and Victoria in regards to the disturbing nature of the allegations, no one from the Queensland government had yet attempted to contact her.
Headmasters and principals expressed their horror at the allegations, and said they were committed to enhancing programs focused on educating their students on consent and respectful sexual relationships.
Brisbane Grammar School headmaster Anthony MicallefChurchie headmaster Dr Alan Campbell
Brisbane Grammar School headmaster Anthony Micallef yesterday wrote to parents he was “appalled” by the accounts.
“While every school has programs to educate students about respectful relationships, drugs and alcohol, and the issue of consent, every parent and educator fears that young people may still make terrible decisions that have lifelong consequences,” Mr Micallef said.
“The traumatic experiences the young women describe in the online petition, and the behaviours perpetrated by young men, suggest this issue is ongoing and must be addressed.”
Churchie headmaster Alan Campbell also issued a letter to parents, stating as a boys school they had a “special responsibility” to educate boys to grow to be good men who will respect women and men equally.
He said sexual consent was taught and discussed in Year 9 and Year 12.
Brisbane Boys’ College at Toowong. Picture: Facebook
Toowoomba Grammar Headmaster John Kinniburgh commended the girls for “standing up and speaking out.”
“No person, regardless of age or gender, should ever be subjected to unwanted sexual or peer group pressure,” he said.
“TGS has programs in place that teach students about respectful relationships, consent and the criminal nature of sexual harassment and assault.”
St Joseph’s College, Gregory Terrace principal Michael Carroll said the school’s sex education began in Year 5 and 6, with consent addressed directly with Years 10, 11 and 12.
“We have been developing a stronger focus on respectful relations over the past 12-18 months at Terrace and this has been a significant stimulus to create a narrower focus around age-appropriate discussions about sex education and in particular, consent in sex,” he said.
Sexual violence is, unfortunately, more common and prevalent than society would like to believe. An estimated 31,118 Australians reported being sexually assaulted in 2021, and shockingly, 61% of those victim-survivors who reported were under the age of 18 when the assault occurred. These statistics are horrific and are only a snapshot of the sexual assault and violence that occurs as so many incidents go unreported and people suffer in silence. It is important to remember that these statistics are real women, men, and children in our community who deserve and need support.
This month is Sexual Violence Awareness Month, and I thought I would share some of my thoughts. The reason why I am so passionate about preventing sexual violence and child sexual abuse, is because I have personally witnessed the devastating impact of these crimes. My family’s experience is not unique or special, and I naively thought that something as horrific as sexual abuse would never happen in our family. Although it’s been 5 years since a family member disclosed the abuse they had suffered, we still deal with the trauma every single day.
For the brave victim-survivor, not only do they have to deal with the abuse they suffered and disclosing it, but they also face the daunting process of reporting to police if they wish, and the possible criminal process beyond that. The systems in place that are supposed to protect, serve, and deliver justice, failed us immensely. And I doubt we are the only ones who have experienced this. The pursuit of justice and trying to hold the perpetrator accountable was so painful that it makes sense why victim-survivors don’t want to go through the process at all.
My family’s experience is why I am so motivated for change and passionate about raising awareness of sexual violence and abuse. Imagine a world where perpetrators are held accountable, the criminal justice process is trauma-informed and minimally re-traumatising as possible. Imagine a world where victim-survivors are believed from the outset and supported through the whole process. I hope that by sharing my story it helps others not to feel so alone. I hope that it can spark some real and definite change so no other victim-survivors and their families have to experience what my family did.
To all the victim-survivors: you are believed, you are worthy of support and healing, and what happened to you was not your fault. To all the families and supporters: you are important, you are valued and your story matters too.
About Hannah
Hannah is a fourth-year psychology student who’s passionate about child safety and protection. She has a keen interest in the Queensland justice system and how it can be reformed so victims of abuse are listened to, taken seriously and justice is given. She loves her casual job at a doggy day-care and enjoys reading in her spare time.
After decades of denial and cover-up, adult survivors are coming forward, helped by radical new initiatives.
On 2 June, Noa Pothoven, 17, died at home in the Dutch city of Arnhem having refused all fluids and food. She had been sexually assaulted at the age of 11 and raped at 14, and suffered from anorexia and depression. She spoke of her “unbearable suffering” in the aftermath of the attacks – “I have not been alive for so long,” she wrote.
For survivors of childhood abuse, the potential long-term impact of their experiences is only beginning to be exposed; taboo, secrecy and shame still prevail. Yet, slowly, as inquiries are held and more cases come to court, greater numbers of adult survivors of childhood abuse are beginning to come forward. While some can cope well, for others lives and families are torn apart as the root causes remain hidden. Is society doing enough for adult survivors, who, too often, are overlooked, pathologised and criminalised?
Jimmy Savile, “eccentric and flamboyant”, garlanded with honours and awards, died in 2011 aged 84, never having paid for his crimes. A year after his death, he was revealed as a prolific and ruthless sexual predator throughout five decades. Concerns had been raised since the 1960s and suppressed. He had fame and power, so was free to abuse in plain sight.
Since then, a number of prolific offenders have appeared in court including Peter Ball, a bishop who was protected by the establishment, Barry Bennell, a football coach, and the pop singer Gary Glitter. In addition, groups of mainly Asian men, in cities including Rotherham, Nottingham and Oxford, have been given lengthy jail sentences for violently sexually exploiting vulnerable young girls, the victims treated by police and social workers as “child prostitutes”, their plight ignored.
In 2014 the government established the Independent Inquiry into Child Sexual Abuse (IICSA) to examine how institutions, including hospitals, care homes and boarding schools, have handled their duty of care to protect children. The inquiry has launched 14 investigations and has set up the Truth Project, “I Will Be Heard”. So far, more than 3,000 survivors of abuse have related their experiences at the hands of trusted adults, family members and in institutions.
Tessa Denham, the founder of Visible, says abuse still affects her life. Photograph: Gary Calton/The Observer
Four years ago in Leeds, Savile’s birthplace, Tessa Denham, 58, a counsellor, coach and chief executive of the Women’s Counselling and Therapy Service, organised a workshop. Sixty colleagues from healthcare, the police, GPs, voluntary organisations and the city council attended. “The decades of denial and cover-up were beginning to crack,” Denham says. “That made me think, as a city, ‘What should we do? What do we need to do?’
“Abuse has shaped me. It still affects my daily life,” she says. “I was abused by my grandfather and my stepfather. Yet for years I’d tell everyone that I hadn’t been affected. It was only when I went for counselling in my 30s that I began to join up the dots of my own behaviour.
“I’m middle class, mouthy and I don’t lack confidence. Imagine what it must be like for someone who has none of those resources. Some survivors cope, others experience addiction, unemployment, prison, chaotic, shattered families, and still the secret is kept. That’s why we passionately believe it’s time to make a difference.”
The difference is a potentially groundbreaking holistic city-wide project called Visible, launched in Leeds on 10 June after two years of plannning. The aim is to proactively support adult survivors and open up a national conversation about the extent of need and why long-term government funding is essential.
The ambition is that projects like Visible are replicated across the country.
“It was as if we all gave a collective sigh of relief,” says Sinéad Cregan, Leeds adult services commissioner and chair of Visible. “Phew! At last we’re going to try and do something. More and more people at inquiries are talking for the first time. Yet, across the country, the response has not been good enough.”
Sinéad Cregan says the country’s response has not been good enough. Photograph: Gary Calton/The Observer
What will Visible do in practice? Survivors say that many professionals don’t recognise trauma, and they don’t ask the right questions because they don’t know how to handle the response. Visible hopes to conduct research into what works best, increase public understanding, and train a range of professionals including police, magistrates, employers, commissioners, GPs, teachers and social workers to ask the right questions so that a range of appropriate help is offered. “We want to act as a catalyst.” Denham says. “When money is tight, there are no quick fixes but the door has begun to open.”
“Phil”, 52, is on Visible’s steering group. He waited 40 years before disclosing that as a boy he was abused by two men who threatened to harm his family if he told anyone. “It was when my son was the same age that I told my wife. I had a breakdown. I was worried the same thing would happen to him. I’d text him all the time.
“I waited 12 months before I got into the mental health system. I’ve self-harmed, I’ve tried to take my own life. I was interviewed by the police about Jimmy Savile because I worked with him as a hospital porter – and that’s when it got worse. I see the devil with the abusers’ face. I hear voices. In an ideal world, I’d like for people to speak out and be heard.”
In May, the all-party parliamentary group (APPG) on adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse published a report that drew on a survey of 365 survivors. Long-term consequences of abuse may include physical ailments, changes in brain function and development, post-traumatic stress disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder and dissociative disorder, an involuntary flight from reality that may include significant memory loss, depression and suicidal thoughts.
In the survey, 90% said their intimate relationships were negatively affected, 89% said their mental health was negatively affected, 72% said that it had damaged their career, and 46% said it had a detrimental effect on their financial situation (because they often had to pay for therapeutic help they couldn’t access otherwise). Only 16% said the NHS mental health services met their need. “I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and the mental health system,” was one response.
“The spectre hanging over them infiltrates every aspect of life,” Sarah Champion, Labour MP and chair of the APPG said in the Commons. “A trigger can be anything – the same aftershave that their abuser was wearing or a feeling of being in an enclosed space. Unless we recognise that these people are victims of crime, they will not be able to lead their full lives and reach the potential that we all deserve to achieve.”
Shaneen Mooney says victims don’t have to carry shame – healing is possible. Photograph: Gary Calton/The Observer
A 2015 survey of 400 adult survivors indicated that the abuse had begun, on average, at the age of seven and continued for long periods; 90% hadn’t seen their abuser brought to justice. The average wait before survivors tried to access services had been 20 years, and not even then had individuals disclosed abuse. For one in five who disclosed at the time, the abuse continued on average for a further six years.
Last year NHS England announced improved provision for victims of sexual abuse. The five-year strategy has an investment of £4m a year until 2020-21. “It’s welcome but it’s a drop in the ocean,” says Fay Maxted, chief executive of the Survivors Trust, which represents 130 organisations. “In real terms, funding has dropped significantly in the last 10 years.”
She is also concerned that the specialist trauma-trained organisations in the voluntary sector, which survivors frequently say they prefer to statutory services, won’t benefit from the funding controlled by GPs’ clinical commissioning groups. “The CCGs often have a lack of understanding of what survivors need.”
“Adult survivors don’t always present as the perfect victim,” explains Gabrielle Shaw, chief executive of the National Association for People Abused in Childhood (Napac). “We all need to understand better that the question isn’t, ‘what’s wrong with you?’ but ‘what happened to you?’”
Shaneen Mooney, 34, a housing officer, who runs her own essential oils company, Essential Flow, waited 16 years before disclosing. At the age of 14 she was groomed by a man in his 30s. “I thought it was romantic love. He ended the affair when I was 16. For years I didn’t value myself. I drank, I took drugs, I was unfaithful. I had a breakdown and dropped out of university and gradually began to realise that what had happened to me wasn’t right. It was rape.
“In 2014 I was given free counselling by a rape support charity. That’s no longer available. Then I waited a year for NHS counselling, which was hard. Gradually, I realised that the silence, keeping all the stuff inside me, was more damaging.”
Now happily married, Mooney says counselling has been invaluable. “I’m in a much better place. Victims don’t have to carry shame and believe there’s something wrong with them. Healing and wellbeing are possible. That’s why I share my truth in the hope that it will encourage others to break the taboo, speak out and get help. Life can change.”
In 2018, Napac, received 6,458 calls on its helpline but there were another 87,619 calls that couldn’t be taken because of lack of resources.
In Leeds, will Visible unleash a demand that similarly can’t be met? According to the IICSA, some 2 million people, are adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse, and 15% of girls and 5% of boys are predicted to experience sexual abuse before the age of 16. In Leeds those figures would translate to 50,000 adult survivors and more than 15,000 children and young people.
Visible was launched with a grant of £100,000 from Lloyds Bank Foundation. It has applied for further grants. Leeds city council faces a £100m funding gap by 2022. Will hopes be raised but not met?
“Health commissioners and government have to stump up the money,” Richard Barber of Leeds Survivor-Led Crisis Service says unequivocally. “Society has got its head stuck in the sand about the scale of child sexual abuse. As a result, survivors get demonised and traumatised over and over again.”
Sharon Prince says everyone knows somebody who is directly or indirectly affected. Photograph: Gary Calton/The Observer
“Everybody knows somebody who is directly or indirectly affected,” points out Sharon Prince, consultant psychologist with Leeds and York Partnership NHS Foundation Trust, a part of Visible. “We have to change the response. That can range from family and friends listening and validating to more formal interventions. The first steps are for people to trust enough so they can disclose and be believed.”
Visible promotes “trauma-informed” support for survivors. It is based on building trust, collaboration and a survivor exercising choice. “It’s all about the quality of the relationship,” Prince says.
While funds for survivors are woefully inadequate, the Independent Inquiry into Child Sexual Abuse has spent an extraordinary £96m since 2014. It has recommended that support for adult survivors requires “urgent” attention. Money is promised in the forthcoming spending review. In addition, the parliamentary group wants the Home Office to commission research into the hidden economic and social cost of child sexual abuse, collect data on what is spent on therapeutic care, and research what support works best.
Dr Carol-Ann Hooper, Visible’s evaluator, says: “In the US, the term ‘parallel justice’ has been coined to argue for reparation for victims to take its place alongside the prosecution of offenders to enable survivors to heal and rebuild their lives. There is also a significant income-based justice gap. Those who can afford to pay for therapeutic help have options, those who can’t, may have none.”
“Helena”, 60, a former teacher, pays for trauma therapy. “Otherwise I’d have to wait several months and I can’t.” As a child, she and her friend, Janet, played in the street. A teenage girl invited them into her home. “We’d dress up in her clothes and stilettos,” Helena says. Play turned to abuse and both children had a bottle inserted in their vaginas. “I felt I’d done wrong. I did tell my parents three years later. They said, ‘We can’t do owt. It’s water under the bridge. The abuse made me wary of young women, mistrust everybody. I still find it very difficult to hug people. I became anorexic. I wanted to be unseen. Occasionally I’d mention what happened and people would say, ‘women don’t do that’.”
A few years ago, Helena went to an exhibition. “I’ve been lucky. There was an image called Release. I thought yes, you need to unburden, take away those heavy things on your shoulders. For years, I didn’t like clothes or dressing up, I didn’t like high heels. I never had friendships. But suddenly, I thought, yes, I can have friends. And I do. Abuse results in so many ripples over a lifetime. People don’t think to ask, ‘what are those ripples really about?’”
Visible already has plans to expand its work to include sporting bodies, churches, mosques, major corporations, magistrates and prisons. Leeds city council will also look at its own large workforce to assess the needs of potentially several hundred survivors. “We are also keen to collaborate with anyone in the UK,” Denham says. “We cannot afford to slip back.”
I was isolated and petrified
“I was abused until I was 11 by someone outside the family. When it was happening, it was horrible but I didn’t want to make a fuss” says Debbie, 43.
“By the time it stopped, I was isolated and petrified of everything. I’d hide in the cupboard if the phone rang. People would think I was rude. I just wanted to be invisible.
“I worked hard at university because I thought I was thick and horrible. I had a breakdown. I tried to commit suicide. I was in psychiatric hospital for four months. I became anorexic. At no point did anybody ask me why I hated myself. Why I was anorexic.”
At one point, Debbie weighed four stone and suffered multiple organ failure. “It took 10 years before I began psychotherapy and somebody finally asked me the right questions; otherwise my earlier medical records all say things like, ‘Deborah’s had a lot of input with little progress’.
“I’ve been diagnosed with OCD, personality disorder, complex PTSD.”
Unusually, Debbie received 12 years of support on the NHS, but then it stopped. Now she pays privately for psychotherapy. “I know things cognitively but I have no feeling. I’m not in touch with things emotionally. I’ve no attachment to anyone or anything.
“Six years ago, my mum asked if anyone had done anything to me. I don’t want my mum to know. I don’t want her to work out who it is. I don’t want him to say it didn’t happen. I want to feel safe and not want to be dead. I want to feel.”Topics
Healthdirect Free Australian health advice you can count on.
If you believe a child is in immediate danger or in a life-threatening situation call 000. If you wish to report a child protection matter, contact the department responsible for child protection in your state or territory.
Child abuse is any behaviour that harms or could harm a child or young person, either physically or emotionally. It does not matter whether the behaviour is intentional or unintentional.
There are different types of child abuse, and many children experience more than one type:
Physical abuse: using physical force to deliberately hurt a child.
Emotional abuse: using inappropriate words or symbolic acts to hurt a child over time.
Neglect: failing to provide the child with conditions needed for their physical and emotional development and wellbeing.
Sexual abuse: using a child for sexual gratification.
Exposure to family violence: when a child hears or sees a parent or sibling being subjected to any type of abuse, or can see the damage caused to a person or property by a family member’s violent behaviour.
Children are most often abused or neglected by their parents or carers of either sex. Sexual abuse is usually by a man known to the child — a family member, a friend or a member of the school or church community.
Child abuse can affect a child’s physical, psychological, emotional, behavioural and social development through to adulthood.
Recognising the signs of child abuse is important. There may be physical, emotional or behavioural signs such as:
broken bones or unexplained bruising, burns or welts
not wanting to go home
creating stories, poems or artwork about abuse
being hungry and begging, stealing or hoarding food
Child protection systems vary depending on which state and territory you live in. This includes definitions of when a child requires protection and when authorities will intervene.
Some occupations are legally required to report suspected cases of child abuse to government authorities. The laws are different between states and territories but the most common occupations are teachers, doctors, nurses and police.
Getting help
If you have hurt your child, or feel like you might hurt them, call Lifeline on 131 114.
If you are a child, teen or young adult who needs help and support, call the Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800.
These are just some of the ways you can practice self-care. Taking care of yourself can be done in little ways that do not take much time as well as bigger ways. What is important is that you try and do something when you can that lifts your spirits. You have been through a terrible ordeal and the important thing is that you focus on you and make self-care a priority, because you deserve it!
Keep in mind that it is normal to have bad days. It is normal to have days where you think you can face what has happened, and days when you feel like you cannot get through another moment. Recovery from sexual assault is about helping you to get your life back to a place where you feel like you are in control. Beginning to do some self-care is a good place to start, even if it means that you do only one thing for a few minutes and build on it on the good days.
Thankfully, I’ve kept one of the booklets I was given yrs ago. Now that I’ve had a chance to focus on particular items, I went straight to a section that is meaningful for CSA Survivours. Now is the time, that I can start looking after myself. Getting to this stage could still be hard for other Survivours & RCbbc Blog still has copies of Living Well’s Booklets, whose Downloads are at https://www.livingwell.org.au/get-support/living-well-app/.
