Made 9,164 decisions — including 7,889 payments, totalling over $682.6 million (m), with an average of $86,521
Has made 8,679 offers for redress. Applicants have six months to consider their offer of redress.
5,923 applications are currently being progressed, 702 are on hold or paused, including 112 applications due to institution not participating (representing 1.9% of applications on hand).
The total number of applications finalised and redress payments in Year 1 are 239 ($19.8m), 2,537 ($205.0m) in Year 2, 3,283 ($285.0m) in Year 3 of the Scheme and 2,148 ($172.8m) in Year 4 of the Scheme.
43 IDMs are currently actively making decisions.
Participating institutions update
All institutions where child sexual abuse has occurred are encouraged to sign up to the Scheme as soon as possible.
As at Declaration 2, signed by the Minister on 7 March 2022:
All Commonwealth and State and Territory government institutions and 577 non government institutions are now participating in the Scheme.
Approximately 70,200 sites across Australia are now covered by the Scheme.
To date, 63 institutions have been declared under the Funder of Last Resort (FOLR) arrangements.
These institutions are defunct, a government is equally responsible for the abuse and the Commonwealth and/or relevant state governments are the FOLR.
To all of those who’ve sent in WP Messages to this RoyalCommBBC blog, I am sorry I haven’t responded to your messages. Although I’m now able to partly post new pieces, I’m not able to access your messages. If possible, please COPY + PASTE them into either an eMail OR TXT:
Many survivors experience similar impacts from the abuse. These can include anxiety, depression, suicidality, feelings of worthlessness, shame, anger and self-blame as well as struggles with trust, intimacy and other relationship problems, identity issues and addictions and clashes with authorities. Male survivors also face some unique impacts. Some of these arise from the expectations about men in our society.
We believe that your survival is testament to your resilience
We provide connections with others who have walked a similar path and focus on the way forward to recovery and growth.
SAMSN’s Eight-week Support Groups, led by male facilitators with professional training, have a trauma informed approach that prioritises your safety and focuses on recovery and healing.
SAMSN’s Monthly Meetings provide a forum for connections and conversations about recovery, and opportunities for learning from each other.
We recognise the additional issues for more marginalised groups of men
Men who are not from the dominant white, male culture face additional challenges of stereotyping in relation to their identity as men. This includes Aboriginal men, those from culturally diverse backgrounds, prisoners, men from rural and remote areas, men in the military, men with disabilities, men from the LGBTQI communities and older men. These men experience additional layers of discrimination, shame, isolation and have often have less access to support.
We are building a network of survivors who are finding their pathways to recovery & healing
Despite the impacts of the abuse and the additional societal challenges, boys and men find ways to survive and manage these many challenges. You are a survivor.
Some of the things we know can build a strong and healthy sense of self are:
Knowledge – getting some facts and information about abuse, about emotions, about impacts and services available
Safety – within yourself, safe in your key relationships, and a safe place
Self-acceptance – realization that the abuse doesn’t define you, and accepting that others believe that too
Commonality – that you can find others who understand, knowing you are not alone
Control – you can make decisions, choices, and that things can change
Hope – for justice, a desire for change, finding a way to turn this into something that gives back
NOTES As pieces from SAMSN have been related to parts of my NRS – Apologies coping issues, I felt that some generalised parts of their site + Spoken Podcasts + hearing from more, in our growing community. Unsure how each of us will deal with ’Recovery + Healing’, each of us has different ways that we live. Even the final paragraph introduces some of the atypical parts of society, which are gradually growing larger/“more accepted”. Stereotypes may have a new definition in 100 yrs; yet right now Aboriginal Indigenous, culturally diverse, disabled, LGBTQI & aged sectors are targeted. Alike child sexual abuse, this should stop – alongside sexism + so many of the other ’ism’s.
Not that RCbbc or SBDC_rc wishes to promote any 25th Anniversary of the ‘Crash Test Dummies‘ Band’s God Shuffled His Feet, their commonly used (satirical?) phrase is significant.
crash test dummy (duckduckgo 2022)
In what may have been one of this RoyalCommBBC’s founder’s initial memories; As a toddler👶, who was still forming awareness of sounds & speech; an early, longterm memory had begun to be planted, by a supposedly ‘innocent & friendly, social encounter’ …
Crash Test Dummies, Band (duckduckgo 2022)
Reminders of what would develop years later, with the ‘Crash Test Dummies‘ use of the term; babies + toddlers were treated as virtual “first model cars“, that could be upgraded with “future children in your families” <mothers’ group>. Oh what joy, when this happens amongst ‘christian’ families. As proven by other NRS Submissions, more of a target may have been presumed amongst the nativity of “pure + innocent godsquad folk” … 🤷🏿♀️😱
Crash Testing for DUMMIES (duckduckgo 2022)
Of recent interest/concern was that #GunViolence developing (uncontrollably) in America, is a practical version of much of there tension that has been avoided in ‘holy-christian-church™’ environments. In Australia. Amongst the same ‘loving-caring-christian’ family, who’re yet to admit … perhaps if the above 🖼️ was republished as ‘Crash Parenting for DUMMIES’? Sales could be unexpectedly high. (losses of 1st born child excused … 🤷🏿♀️?!)
#Neglect / #negligenttreatment is something that should never have happened. Particularly, when used as a “learning tool” for 1st borns. Only when later children are raised ‘better’, by not exposing them do these ‘godly folk’ change their practices: Nothing to see here – move on!
RETRIEVED via @treacl + @royalcommbbc tweets (May 2022).
Tags: NRS, RC, SDBC and tagged 1st borns, baptist, BBC, boys brigade, child sexual abuse, Church, church family, ecosystem, first borns, girls brigade, habitus, history, neglect, patterns, RC, redress, royal commission, SDBC, support, youth group
As I have been speaking with a close support-team, I’m starting to sketch out what I’d expect for both BBC/PMSA + Qld Baptist Church/QB to say (“a direct personal response”). As my car accident had been linked with these memories, I’ll be requesting ’under special circumstances’ recordings to be made. I’ll keep you informed …
Finding the right Counsellor may take time, yet when you do it can make needed impact. As I had attended BBC under an OCA award, there may be inclusion of this. Perhaps a seperate ’Apology’ will be needed…
One of the most challenging things to undertake is separating ourselves from a toxic family. The “family” is reveared as something too sacred to separate from, regardless of its toxicity. Adult children feel an obligation to stay connected even when it goes against their best interest. As adults, we stay connected out of fear and guilt. We fear the lack of understanding and recrimination to come from others who falsely assume all children are loved deeply. To follow are the entanglements suffered in a toxic family system, and how to break free.
1. Starved.
Children (no matter their age) of toxic parents are emotionally starved. The family dynamic functions around the needs, wants, desires, and dramas of the parent. Children are not viewed as people, but rather as things to be controlled, used and manipulated. It is common for parents to abuse one child and worship another. Each child’s role serves some distorted need in the parent. The more abused child is raised feeling unloved and rejected, while the worshiped child feels loved for “good performance and behavior.” Each child has some awareness they are not loved for who they are, and both suffer low self-worth.
2. Sly.
The reason it is challenging to separate from these dynamics is because the type of abuse these children endure is not obvious. It’s the passive-aggressive, guilt-driven, needy, jealous, divisive, martyring, baiting abuse that somehow disappears into ether whenever confronted. These parents are sly, underhanded, blaming, manipulators who use their children for games, positioning and getting them to feel guilty, ashamed and increasingly needy for parental approval, which they can never authentically secure.
3. Scapegoating.
Toxic parents scapegoat their children for their own personality flaws and dramatics. They turn everything around to be the child’s fault, and claim how “mean and disrespectful” their children are. These children grow up feeling nothing they do is ever enough. They are consistently rattled with back-handed remarks by their overly critical parents, and are accused of being too sensitive. Being raised like this is no different than living in a house of mirrors, where even the fake apologies initiated by the parents are designed to put the child at fault.
4. Frozen.
Children become frozen under the hypocrisy, constant projection, and circular communication style these parents utilize. They quickly learn that being good enough in the eyes of their parents is about as likely as successfully scoring on a moving goalpost. They live trying to avoid conflict, or trying to express themselves to the point of rage or meltdown, only to face being shamed for their emotions and “treating their parents so poorly.” These psychological games lead children into a state of helplessness, self-hatred and guilt, as every situation is set for their destruction. There is no way to win.
5. Frustration.
There is nothing more psychologically debilitating than living in a world of unexpressed frustration. Very few, if any, validate what these children see and experience. In fact, most attempts at sharing their story are met with disbelief and the minimization of; “things can’t be that bad, your parents love you.” These children are typically advised to be more loving, to do as their told, and to accept who their parents are; thereby, blaming the victim. There is no amount of convincing these children can do that will be more powerful than the societal standard held to never separate from family.
6. Disenfranchised grief.
These children/adults live with a grief not accepted by society. Loss is one of the most common experiences to bring about grieving, and although this is often viewed as normal, there are times when grieving is disqualified; cutting ties one’s family members being one of those times. Traditional forms of grief are more widely accepted, like when a parent dies. When grief is not accepted, but rather viewed as something a person brought on themselves, there are few, if any, support systems to help them cope with their disenfranchised grief.
7. Courage.
As adults, we have the right to determine when enough is enough. If we know it is not possible to be healthy in tandem to staying connected to a dysfunctional family, then it is time to let go. We must have the courage to face the unfair smear-campaigns that will be initiated at breakneck speed to everyone the parents know, the lack of compassion, understanding and support from others, and the loneliness, confusion and grief to process after we sever ties. We will likely have to create distance with mutual connections that bind us to our family, as the more strings attached to them the less likely we are to protect ourselves from their toxic drama.
8. Duty Days.
After we cut ties, it is common to receive cards/gifts on “Duty Days,” such as holidays. These gestures allow them to maintain that they try, and we are just too stubborn to let things go. What is missing in their communication is any combination of three sets of three simply-worded statements; “I am sorry,” “I was wrong,” or “You were right.” They are incapable of owning what they have done; always viewing themselves as right. They show up on “Duty Days” to assuage their guilt, to save face, and to add more drama to their smear-campaign . And…people will believe them.
9. Reclaiming yourself.
In severing ties, we are not doing so to punish anyone else, as much as we are doing something to protect ourselves. Once minimal or no-contact has been established, we must reclaim our lives and rebuild our self-worth. When we risk it all, the Universe in all its magic, will organize and materialize the supports, loves and people we deserve to live lives we love. We build a chosen-family who shows us that love is thicker than blood. Most importantly, we develop a self-respect no one can shake. We are free to live from the truth of who we are, as we come to trust our inherent goodness. The greatest power we have is not give these people what they want…our attention. We must now give our attention only to those worthy of it.
I recently had the opportunity of revisiting a question that I have struggled to find answers to for many years. The question is, why, in the face of a parent sexually, physically or verbally abusing a child, does the other parent remain silent?
This is a phenomenon I have been aware of in countless numbers of cases reported to me by patients who are now adult and clearly recall not only the abuse but the fact that the other parent offered no safety.
The question others have asked me and that I ask myself is, how or why would a parent remain silent in the face of children being abused. Here a few hypotheses.
1. Denial is a powerful and primitive defense mechanism. Someone who is dependent, frightened and themselves the victim of abuse, can remain silent and not even see or hear the abuse in order to maintain the desperately needed relationship with the abuser. In a way, it is a variation of the old saying, “Hear no evil, see no evil.” Well, people do hear it and see it and fail to act.
2. Both abuser and spouse can be mentally ill people who collude out of mutually shared sadism. In others words, there are a few people who can get a sense of pleasure out of treating children abusively.
3. Over the years, I have known a few cases in which the wife has such a deep need to avoid sexual relations that they prefer their husband engage in Oedipal relations with a daughter. This is usually unconscious with full denial in operation.
4. Chronic and severe drug and alcohol abuse loosen inhibitions that otherwise sober and sensible people do things that would shock them if they were not under the influence of certain types of drugs.
5. There are parents who, having been raised in strict and abusive environments, then repeat the pattern once they are parents. The vicious cycle of abuse is probably the major cause of domestic violence in the United States.
One of the distressing and utterly frustrating and despairing things that survivors of abuse discover as adults, is that their parents deny that anything ever happened. Patients have reported to me that parents, when confronted by their adult child with the abuse they committed, tell their son or daughter that their memory is wrong.
It is natural to ask why an adult would now confront their parents about abusive acts that happened during childhood? Apparently, the answer is that these survivors are seeking an apology and an affirmative statement admitting their wrong doing. This is what makes the discussion so filled with despair for so many survivors. The despair results not simply by the refusal of an apology, but the complete denial that anything happened. This is further exacerbated by the fact that neighbors and friends of the parents think them very “nice people” who would never do such a despicable thing as abuse a child. When Joan Crawford’s daughter published the story of her childhood, a story that depicted Crawford’s cruel and outlandish acts of abuse, there was a public outcry that this never could have happened. Later, the outcry vanished when the truth and accuracy of the story emerged for the public to see.
It is the responsibility of neighbors, family, friends, teachers and school officials to report suspected abuse to the authorities who will then conduct an investigation. Do not play the “hear no evil, see no evil” game. Act on what you know or have good reason to suspect.
Your comments, experiences and questions are welcome in relation to this important issue.
