Dysfunctional family + National Redress

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How much of “unfair smear-campaigns that will be initiated at breakneck speed to everyone the parents know,
the lack of compassion,
understanding and support from others,
and the loneliness, confusion and grief to process after we sever ties.” … #dysfunctional family? (1 of 2)

…understanding and support from others,
and the loneliness, confusion and grief to process after we sever ties.” … are experienced by those who’ve withdrawn from a #dysfunctional family? #nationalredress is approaching settlement for 1 CSA surviving-victim: ‘Apologies’ awaited. (2 of 2)

RETRIEVED https://sdbcrc.wordpress.com/2021/09/19/dysfunctional-family-national-redress/

NRS Submission (1st stage)

Although we’re each taught that toddlers-teenagers are to be treated with “purety + innocence”, as ‘children of god’, Institutions of #BaptistChurch, #BrisbaneBoysCollege + #BoysBrigade have had their past behaviours brought into question.
-(twitter)-
#DSS-#NRS will now research their inclusion, in preparation for assessment of these #ChildSexualAbuse impacts. Bless each of you.
Boys Brigade, Brisbane Boy’s College

9 Way To Untangle Yourself From A Toxic Family

Sherrie Campbell, PhD, ContributorClinical Psychologist, Author and Radio Host

05/16/2017 11:42 am ET

One of the most challenging things to undertake is separating ourselves from a toxic family. The “family” is reveared as something too sacred to separate from, regardless of its toxicity. Adult children feel an obligation to stay connected even when it goes against their best interest. As adults, we stay connected out of fear and guilt. We fear the lack of understanding and recrimination to come from others who falsely assume all children are loved deeply. To follow are the entanglements suffered in a toxic family system, and how to break free.

1. Starved.

Children (no matter their age) of toxic parents are emotionally starved. The family dynamic functions around the needs, wants, desires, and dramas of the parent. Children are not viewed as people, but rather as things to be controlled, used and manipulated. It is common for parents to abuse one child and worship another. Each child’s role serves some distorted need in the parent. The more abused child is raised feeling unloved and rejected, while the worshiped child feels loved for “good performance and behavior.” Each child has some awareness they are not loved for who they are, and both suffer low self-worth.

2. Sly.

The reason it is challenging to separate from these dynamics is because the type of abuse these children endure is not obvious. It’s the passive-aggressive, guilt-driven, needy, jealous, divisive, martyring, baiting abuse that somehow disappears into ether whenever confronted. These parents are sly, underhanded, blaming, manipulators who use their children for games, positioning and getting them to feel guilty, ashamed and increasingly needy for parental approval, which they can never authentically secure.

3. Scapegoating.

Toxic parents scapegoat their children for their own personality flaws and dramatics. They turn everything around to be the child’s fault, and claim how “mean and disrespectful” their children are. These children grow up feeling nothing they do is ever enough. They are consistently rattled with back-handed remarks by their overly critical parents, and are accused of being too sensitive. Being raised like this is no different than living in a house of mirrors, where even the fake apologies initiated by the parents are designed to put the child at fault.

4. Frozen.

Children become frozen under the hypocrisy, constant projection, and circular communication style these parents utilize. They quickly learn that being good enough in the eyes of their parents is about as likely as successfully scoring on a moving goalpost. They live trying to avoid conflict, or trying to express themselves to the point of rage or meltdown, only to face being shamed for their emotions and “treating their parents so poorly.” These psychological games lead children into a state of helplessness, self-hatred and guilt, as every situation is set for their destruction. There is no way to win.

5. Frustration.

There is nothing more psychologically debilitating than living in a world of unexpressed frustration. Very few, if any, validate what these children see and experience. In fact, most attempts at sharing their story are met with disbelief and the minimization of; “things can’t be that bad, your parents love you.” These children are typically advised to be more loving, to do as their told, and to accept who their parents are; thereby, blaming the victim. There is no amount of convincing these children can do that will be more powerful than the societal standard held to never separate from family.

6. Disenfranchised grief.

These children/adults live with a grief not accepted by society. Loss is one of the most common experiences to bring about grieving, and although this is often viewed as normal, there are times when grieving is disqualified; cutting ties one’s family members being one of those times. Traditional forms of grief are more widely accepted, like when a parent dies. When grief is not accepted, but rather viewed as something a person brought on themselves, there are few, if any, support systems to help them cope with their disenfranchised grief.

7. Courage.

As adults, we have the right to determine when enough is enough. If we know it is not possible to be healthy in tandem to staying connected to a dysfunctional family, then it is time to let go. We must have the courage to face the unfair smear-campaigns that will be initiated at breakneck speed to everyone the parents know, the lack of compassion, understanding and support from others, and the loneliness, confusion and grief to process after we sever ties. We will likely have to create distance with mutual connections that bind us to our family, as the more strings attached to them the less likely we are to protect ourselves from their toxic drama.

8. Duty Days.

After we cut ties, it is common to receive cards/gifts on “Duty Days,” such as holidays. These gestures allow them to maintain that they try, and we are just too stubborn to let things go. What is missing in their communication is any combination of three sets of three simply-worded statements; “I am sorry,” “I was wrong,” or “You were right.” They are incapable of owning what they have done; always viewing themselves as right. They show up on “Duty Days” to assuage their guilt, to save face, and to add more drama to their smear-campaign . And…people will believe them.

9. Reclaiming yourself.

In severing ties, we are not doing so to punish anyone else, as much as we are doing something to protect ourselves. Once minimal or no-contact has been established, we must reclaim our lives and rebuild our self-worth. When we risk it all, the Universe in all its magic, will organize and materialize the supports, loves and people we deserve to live lives we love. We build a chosen-family who shows us that love is thicker than blood. Most importantly, we develop a self-respect no one can shake. We are free to live from the truth of who we are, as we come to trust our inherent goodness. The greatest power we have is not give these people what they want…our attention. We must now give our attention only to those worthy of it.


RETRIEVED https://www.huffpost.com/entry/9-way-to-untangled-yourself-from-a-toxic-family_b_591744c5e4b00ccaae9ea36d

Podcasts Launch!

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Our first Edition of Podcasts has been released. Hopefully, these will become a regular channel for CSA Surviving-victims to help rebuild some missing parts of their lives. We hope to soon, divide them into sections – allowing personal playlists to be automatically made.

https://www.buzzsprout.com/1786955/8642346-1-cameron-russell-doublespeak-coping-strategies-conditioning

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Sit back & enjoy this show, where any of your suggestions would be appreciated for fine-tuning future Ep’s!

Podcasts being shared

✔️Podcast Distribution
Being considered …
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1st RoyalCommBBC Interview


Cameron Russell 1

BuzzSprout link | RCbbc
Duck Duck Go search
MP3 FORMAT of Cameron Russell Interview

There are 3547 people in your team

It’s great to let you all know that our RCbbc Team, has reached 3 1/2 thousand. With our Podcasts also being pieced together, adding in another media.

Statistics retrieved 5 May 21.

Upcoming Podcasts (tweet) …

New PMSA chair revealed as BBC old boy Peter Barker

April 29, 2021 12:47 pm

Kylie Lang | The Courier-Mail

Brisbane Boys’ College old boy Peter Barker has been announced as new chair of the Presbyterian and Methodist Schools’Associationfollowing the resignation of Morgan Parker after only 13 months in the top job.

Mr Barker is chief financial officer of infrastructure company Cardno and has more than 30 years’ experience with multinational corporations.

Vice-captain of BBC in 1985, he said the PMSA had undergone “comprehensive reform and professionalisation” under Mr Parker and its focus was on “enhancing the experience of students at our four outstanding schools”.

New PMSA Chair Peter Barker.

The PMSA runs BBC, Somerville House, Clayfield College and Sunshine Coast Grammar School but has faced ongoing criticism over its governance and handling of numerous crises.

Mr Parker, in confirming to The Courier-Mail on Wednesday his departure as chair, described the overhaul of the church body as a “Herculean task”.

The real estate tycoon, who has been appointed chair of SunCentral and sits on four other boards, likened the PMSA to “a vintage car that needs to be taken apart and rebuilt”.

“You can really work to fix parts of an organisation, but until all parts understand each other and are functioning at best practice, you’re always going to have crises before you,” he said.

This year the PMSA has been accused of “unfairly pushing” BBC principal Paul Brown to resign, conducting a farcical recruitment process for his replacement, and treating school staff in a “reprehensible” way, resulting in a mass staff exodus.

Presbyterian and Methodist Schools Association (PMSA) schools.

Board member Bridget Cullen resigned after The Courier-Mail exposed a facebook page she had set up in which she allegedly stereotyped poor people.

Last year the expulsions of four BBC boys embroiled in an alleged gang bashing incident were overturned after their parents took Mr Brown and the school to court in a $750,000 negligence claim. The PMSA investigated, and the case has since settled.

Meanwhile, Somerville House has been without a functioning P&F association since November amid allegations of a million-dollar cash freeze of its funds by principal Kim Kiepe.

In 2017 the PMSA was dogged by an integrity crisis involving an alleged data breach and texts between the then PMSA chair, Robert McCall, and then executive manager, Rick Hiley, in which they arranged a meeting in a nude Korean-style bathhouse. The PMSA investigated and cleared them of wrongdoing.

Former PMSA chair Morgan Parker at BBC. Pic Mark Cranitch.

That same year popular Somerville House principal Flo Kearney and several staff exited the school, and the once-vocal BeyondPMSA breakaway group called for a shake-up in the governance structure at all four schools.

In a statement released on Thursday by the PMSA, Mr Parker said of Mr Barker’s appointment: “I believe a critical component of an effective board is its ability to renew itself and this is what this transition achieves.

“I have given my heart and soul to this volunteer role over the past three years and it has been an enormously rewarding period,” said the former BBC school captain who joined the PMSA board in 2018.

“Having served in this role, I am convinced, more than ever, in the bright future of the PMSA and our schools.

“Our focus has been ensuring the sustainability of our schools over the next 100 years and they will reap the benefits of the changes we have made.”

The PMSA said Mr Parker had “overseen more than 50 changes to the governance model that has led to greater autonomy forschools, improved compliance, transparency and commercial management across the PMSA group”.

“Key reforms during his leadership include the revitalisation of governance officers leading to greater diversity and community representation; creation of a child protection and safeguarding committee; development of an industry benchmark HRIS and enterprise agreement improving efficiencies and the PMSA’s ability to attract and retain quality staff; and leveraging of the group’s scale to save $1 million annually through joint procurement efforts.

“Mr Parker was also instrumental in developing the PMSA’s new strategic plan, which challenges the organisation to think beyond the day-to-day operations of the school and contemplate our greater purpose in developing Australia’s next generation.”

In other changes, educator Margaret Berry will take on the deputy chair role replacing Wayne Knapp, who will remain on the board.

Mr Parker will remain as chair until the AGM in mid-June.


RETRIEVED https://apple.news/ATQNL1OHmSEK531jRK0UpWg

BBC Captain’s ABC the drum

Jason Black, BBC Captain 2021

Part of 2021’s BBC Captain, Jason Black, uplifting speech, was featured on ABC’s #thedrum (Fri 19 Mar 21). “Changes in direction”, “2021’s Australian of the Year, Grace Tame” alongside “future PM material” were remembered.

Grace Tame, 2021 Australian of the Year